Dear Reader:

Hello!   What a glorious day it was today!!!   You won't believe this, dear reader, but I took the ENTIRE DAY OFF.   I did no work at all.  NONE.   Believe me, there was plenty of work to be done in all areas of my life.  But, I made an intention at the beginning of the day that I needed to rest and do things which made me feel good and peaceful.   AND, the SPRING REALLY ARRIVED TODAY.    I will be soooo mad if there really is a chill and snow in the next few days, as my little weather app tells me.  Sooooo mad.   YOU WILL NOT TAKE MY FLOWERING TREES FROM ME.  Because those flowering trees, that green, the blue skies, the birds.  I just cannot handle all of this happiness and renewal.   Actually, I totally can.   I really can.   I am GIDDY FOR SPRING.   I want to dance around a May Pole.   I want to hike through muddy, fertile fields.  I want to lay down in meadows.   OK.  I am trying to calm down.  But seriously, dear reader, it's SPRING.

So, other than having to go to my OB/GYN for an annual exam today....   OK, so that doesn't sound good and peaceful, but you don't know my OB/GYN (upon whom I have an inappropriate crush - it's true - just don't tell him :)).   He is just magic.  I mean, it's the most uncomfortable doctor's appointment, right?   But he has me laughing and chatting and hardly noticing what's happening until it's all over.   It's really remarkable.  The guy is good at what he does.   And, I was in an back out in the sunshine in under an hour.  Remarkable.  Solid gold.  

To recap:  I went for a physical with the nurse practitioner two weeks ago.   Today, I went to the OB/GYN for my annual exam.   I have a mammogram next week.   I plan on making an eye doctor appointment later this week.  I am getting all the medical stuff done.   All. Of. It.

Bottom line about results of this check-up business:

1)  I am considerably overweight.   Captain Obvious.  It's not like I've been struggling with this for years.  What's interesting is that I am feeling less and less like that is something to be ashamed of.   It is just something to address and is causing me some other health problems, currently.   More on this later.

2) I am depressed, which is making it hard (but not impossible) for me to make healthier choices for myself regarding eating and exercise.  I am going to address this first by dealing with item no. 3 below.  If that doesn't make a big difference in a month or two, I am going to add medication for this. Boom.  No stigma.  Just helping myself.  I also feel that my tentative plan to add a puppy to our family in Spring of 2018 is partly to fill a therapeutic need for emotional healing.   I know that it will likely cause more day to day stress, but I also think it might help my mental and physical health and get me out in the world a bit more.   We'll see.

3)  I have a Vitamin B and D deficiency.   I am getting my first monthly B12 shot (of 12) tomorrow.  I am now going to take prescription strength Vitamin D capsules.  I am also going to turn my face toward the sun.   A. LOT.  (See spring).

4) My A1C level is a 6.   This is pre-diabetic, which is not much of a change from what I was a couple of years ago.  The good news is that I am not above 6.5 which means actual Diabetes.  But, I am instructed by my doctor to walk 5 days a week for 30 minutes and cut down on the carbohydrates.  So, I will do this.  Because someone told me to, and I should.   Modest goals.  After a month, we will see if I need to be more intensive with either of these goals, but I'm just going to be happy with this for now.   And, not beat myself up about what I should have done up to this point.  Self-compassion and mindfulness.   Self-compassion and mindfulness.   My life is not a walk in the park, dear reader.  Could it be worse?  Yeah.   But, I have some struggles and being a single parent of two delightful 8 year olds is not easy.   And, doing the good work that I strive to do is not easy.   But, I walk this path with no regrets, just an occasional need to ask for help and a desire to take care of myself so that I can walk this path with more joy and engagement.  

5) I had some small uptake in white blood cell count and some interesting findings in red blood cell stats.  I need to research a bit more so that I understand this.   The doctor says that we will just monitor this again in a month to see if it has resolved as she expects it will.  My job here is not to freak out about this.   It's probably nothing.  We'll just keep an eye on it.

ANYWAY, that was more information on my personal stats than you needed, dear reader, but it's just for me to refer back to, really.  

I read a totally lovely and undemanding book about a woman finding inspiration to change her own relationships and self-understanding through her grandmother's journals of a summer in Jazz Age Paris and its transformative effects.    Totally redemptive story.   She gets free of a cold, loveless marriage, starts to paint again (she gave it up long ago) and love her own not-perfect body and meets a scruffy, open-hearted guy and well, you can see where this is going....  Sometimes, you just need a happy ending.   :)  

As far as I can tell, the American government is going to hell in a hand basket and I am deeply concerned about what these leaders are doing to vulnerable and marginalized groups in this country and beyond.   It's insane.   So, all I can do is continue to protest, focus on my work, and try to send compassion to myself in this journey toward wellness and to others who are on their own journeys.

So, that's what I am going to do for now.   Peace.  Love.  Joy.  Compassion.  Connection.   Let's just all laser-focus on those things, OK?

Thanks for reading.