Hey!    I am back on the blog - dusting this thing off for a trial run of new posts!    Writing and reflection is a wonderful thing, and sharing that writing and reflection can also be a wonderful thing.  So, here we go!

I am on sabbatical from my college teaching duties.    While one might imagine (and sometimes I do) me wearing pajamas all day every day and drinking margaritas on the porch and taking lots of naps and watching lots of movies, that's not quite the reality here at chez Withers.   Don't get me wrong.   I did wear my pajamas all day at least one day.  I have taken naps.  I haven't been drinking margaritas on the porch, but mainly because it's winter, y'all.    I have watched a couple of movies, but sadly I am at an age and schedule where night time movie-watching usually involves me falling asleep.  Ha!

I still need to get up at 6:30am and get my kids to school.   I still have a church job on Wednesdays/Sundays, and I still teach seven pre-college students.  I also have to be somewhat engaged with the Arts Center.   Because of a guest artist event and a colleague leaving for another position, I have been more involved during these first few weeks of sabbatical than I might have liked.

However, let's face it.   I am more relaxed.   I have started to deal with some things, both mentally and environmentally, that I had pushed to the back burner.    I am taking long walks with my puppy.  I am formulating plans and organizing myself doing a bit of reading to get things rolling for research and practice.   And, I am allowing myself to rest.  That is a big one, you all.   I have issues with allowing myself to rest.   My life, of late, has been one damn thing after another with no breathing space.   So, now I am breathing.   And, I deserve to breathe.   We all do, frankly.  

I would like to, at this point, start my sabbatical by setting intentions.   What do I want out of this sabbatical?   What is important to me?   I have research/performance projects that have projected outcomes (survey, article or two, conference presentations, recitals, maybe the beginnings of a book?), and I plan to work on achieving those outcomes, but for me this sabbatical is broader than those goals.      So, here is my attempt to set my intentions:

1)  I want to rest.   I want to feel like I have space to think and dream and feel and reflect and cultivate my artistic and creative sensibilities.    I want to feel at home in my self, unrelated to any of my relationships or roles.   I want to follow my desire to create and find beauty.  

2)  I want to cultivate presence.  My research is on mindfulness and self-compassion, so my reading and meditation practice and piano practice will, ideally, be focused on inhabiting the moment.  I also want to be present, not only for myself (which should come first), but for others - especially my children.   I want to notice who people are behind their actions and roles and habits.   I want to see the people around me more clearly.

3)  I want to cultivate emotional resilience.   This is a hard one for me.   I am a highly sensitive person (and I mean that in the scientific, psychological sense).   I am an artist.   I am open and empathetic.   All of these things are wonderful, but can set up challenges for me in dealing with all of the resonances of personal and political and artistic and professional stimuli.   I often feel paralyzed by the pain of myself, others, the world.   I want to be able to hold that pain with some space that allows me to take action when I need to and take care of myself when I need to...

4) I want to understand what things are important to me and how I want my life and experiences and my children's life and experiences to look over the next decade or so.    Am I in the right kind of work?   Are my children getting the kinds of experiences I want them to?   Where do I want to travel in the next years with or without children?   Where do I want to spend my time volunteering?   Do I want to own a home?  Do I want to move?   Do I want to seek different relationships?   How do I want to spend my creative energies moving forward?   How can I move toward goals or activities that are in sync with my values and my creativity and my integrity?   How can I move away from goals or activities that are not in sync with these things?

5)  I want to create routines and habits and disciplines that allow me to be healthy in the business of real life.    I want to set up spaces for sleep, healthy and mindful eating, exercise, piano practice, writing, reading, meditation in my life that can carry over back into non-sabbatical living.   I know that I can't do that perfectly every day, but I want the habits to be there to ground me on a regular basis.

6) I want to come out of my research and my personal practice with some practical tools that will help others achieve the goals that they want to achieve.    My students, my colleagues, my kids, my friends.

So, that is probably enough intentions.   These are big, lofty intentions.   Maybe I should probably add one more:

7)  I want to show myself compassion and forgiveness over my imperfect manifestation of these intentions.   That will allow me to get up another day and start over fresh and optimistic and hopeful and creative.  

I raise a glass to sabbatical!    I am ever grateful for this breathing space, however big or small on any given day.    I move forward with hope.    Thanks for joining me in this space as I reflect over my successes and failures and ideas!

More later....