Dear Reader:

I have had several epiphanies today!   One should always pay attention to epiphanies, right?   Well, here are mine:

1) I have more of a social life since I had kids.  What was I doing before kids?   Shouldn't I have been taking advantage of my single, carefree life instead of sitting at home reading all the time?  :)

2) I do not need to drink very much to get a little, tiny bit tipsy.   2 mojitos will do it.

3) I really enjoy hosting people over at my house (especially the funny, fun fellow parents of preschool age children that were at my house tonight - in addition to my new colleagues), but hosting a party drains the energy out of my introverted personality much more than just attending a party - which will drain it quite enough, thank you very much!  :)

4) I have the kind of face/look that draws people to me to ask me for money in grocery store or gas stations parking lots.  It happened this afternoon and it was the fourth time in six months that this has happened.  And, yes, I always give them a little money because I don't want to feel like I might have been able to help someone and didn't.   But, of course, I have no idea how they use that money...

5) It is possible to be so tired that your eyelids feel tired.  That's me right now.   Drained.  Perhaps, it was the mojitos?   Perhaps it was the strain of acting extroverted (let me reiterate again that I had a great time tonight - talking and laughing) when I'm really introverted?

So, there you have it.  Five epiphanies.  Hmm.

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I did not lose a pound this week.   I lost .2 lbs.  Well, better than nothing.   I have been kicking it with the green smoothies.   I've tried 5 different kinds and have repeated a couple of them.

I have increased the intensity and duration of my exercise this week and I can feel it.   My muscles are making themselves known in ways hitherto unknown!

I keep coming back to the idea that the thing that I need to focus on most for myself in almost every situation in my life is to strive to be "present" with myself and others.   It is so tempting to withdraw from the present moment if we do not like that moment for one reason or another.  For me, that means being present with my children, with my friends, with the food that I am eating, with the emotions that I am feeling, with my body.

Here's a quote that I read by Thich Nhat Hanh recently:

"When you love someone, the best thing that you can offer is your presence."

It reminded me of another quote about motherhood that I heard in an interview with Toni Morrison which I can't remember in its totality, but it was something like - - the most important thing you can do for your child is be delighted to be around them or to see them after an absence - to have a happy, excited, anticipatory look in your eye when they appear.

That's a hard thing to do - in both cases - but so important, right?   If the person you need to love is yourself, it remains just as important as with others.   Because - and I feel this very strongly - if you cannot be present with yourself (if you are avoiding recognizing or confronting something about yourself) you cannot be truly present with others.

OK.  I am actually so tired right now that I'm not sure that I'm making any more sense, so I'll leave it there and think about it some more.   I want to redouble my efforts to be Present.  That's my renewed focus this week (and always?!).

Off to a few minutes of undemanding, unintellectual activity and then blissful sleep.   No more mojitos for me for a while!  :)

Thanks for reading.