Dear Reader:

I am sometimes convinced that there are days and weeks, infrequent but real, that the universe is out to get me.  This was one such day/week.   Anybody that I could have disappointed, I did.   The colleague who has been asking me to visit his class actually gave me a dejected expression when he asked me yet again today if I could manage to schedule it.  My children, after having been forced to hang out for two hours at the faculty meeting babysitting station, had to hang out for another hour and a half at the church during choir practice, had dinner at 8:30pm (I did give them snacks earlier - I mean, I'm not Joan-freaking-Crawford) in the car (McDonald's - parenting fail), fell completely and totally apart at home in a fit of uncontrolled emotion - BOTH OF THEM - until they slumped exhausted in bed after telling me that they wished that I could spend more time with them.   Yeah.  

I had to write a little tribute for my teacher's memorial service and it made me cry for a full ten minutes in my office - YET AGAIN.   One of my students got extremely hostile at me for inferring that she didn't practice quite effectively enough (although...TRUTH!!!).   I realized that I have to find a babysitter for tomorrow night's vocal colleague recital and that my poor kids have been up way too late for their little kindergarten psyches about three nights in a row and the nights that I can get them to bed earlier, they'll have to have a babysitter.  Because I am going to see Emmylou Harris on Friday, folks.   I AM.    Because I have to have something that will get me through the crazy epic journey on Sunday of 8 hours of driving for 2 hours at a memorial service and a Saturday of mad grading, cleaning and transporting children to their grandmother's.  

Oh, also, I get the impression (from friends at lunch today) that some people are somehow feeling as though my attempts at positivity on FaceBook are fake.   Clearly, they don't read the gritty realism of this blog.   Ha, ha, ha.    But, listen, I can't help it.   Even after writing all of the above and feeling positively GLUM and GLOOMY and DEPRESSED and FULL OF FUTILITY and DREADFULLY SAD, I still have an almost biological, instinctual, chemical desire to find something of worth and meaning in the experience of having these awful feelings on these awful days during these awful weeks.   I can't just leave it there in an existential funk.   Believe me, I've tried.   I am constitutionally unable to do this.    I even think I might be a more interesting person if I could really dwell in my funks for longer periods of time and really embrace my existential fatalism and withdraw from all social interaction and curl up in ball and rock back and forth.   I. Just. Can't.   I have to mount an offense.    I must FIGHT BACK.   It's annoying.   And, tiresome.   But there it is.   So, I told my kids 5 things about them that I absolutely adored and asked them to do the same for me.   My little girl just laid down her head on my tummy and said - "I just love my Za-Za."    SNIFF.   She's started calling me "Za-Za" now.   I can't really stand that.  Precious.  And, my boy said that he loves it when I take him on adventures.   SIGH.

And, then this was in my mailbox from a friend today:

I clearly have the best of friends.   Also - FREE PRIZE INSIDE!

And, then I had a box from Amazon.com containing:

I clearly have an eclectic reading taste.   Because I am also finishing up this:

So, I am kickboxing the universe in the face.  I will not go down without a fight.  And, also, I WILL NOT EAT TWELVE DOUGHNUTS IN A ROW EVEN THOUGH YOU WANT ME TO, UNIVERSE.   I WILL NOT.

So, um, peace to you dear reader.   I will see you again next week, because there's no way I'll have anything of worth to say until then.   I must marshal my resources and keep fighting here.   Also, I need to know what my free prize is.    I'm all about the free prizes.

Thanks for reading!