Dear Reader:

Wow.  What a week.   Or month.   Or whatever.   I have to seriously object to some aspects of September (anniversary of my father's death, memorial service for my teacher, all the work starts, all the meetings happen, all the feelings intensify).   And, I have not been finding it in me to creatively work through my September "gray fog" on the blog very effectively, but I thought I would write tonight because sometimes, hey, you've just got to write it out.   Or maybe not. But, I'm going to try it.    :)  

I am actually doing much better today with a free weekend of family/rest time ahead.   Last weekend just about did me in - traveling 9 hours for the memorial service for my teacher and then jumping right back into work on Monday.   I have to admit that I am grieving more intensely than I expected to about this recent loss.  It has hit me pretty hard.   I do get back to equilibrium frequently only to be blindsided by moments of intense sadness.   As I put it to a friend recently - there are very few people in life that are totally and completely in your corner who want ONLY the best for you without reservation or qualification.   When you lose one of those people, it is is just damn hard.   It's going to take me some more time, I think, to lose the sharp edge of this grief.

But, listen, one can grieve and still simultaneously appreciate the magnificent fall weather and the incipient color in the leaves and the breezes - dear lord, the breezes!    Tomorrow is going to be a pumpkin patch visit day for me and the kids.   Corn maze.   Pumpkin chunker.  Orchard.   Apple cider.   I'm just going to bury my psyche in fall.  

Also, look at this picture of the shale beach at the lake from a couple of weekends ago:

Look at that strata.  Those layers.   Isn't that fascinating?    And, didn't the moon tonight look especially like a character in a children's book with its thin, elegant crescent shape?

So, my wellness journey, at the moment, is taking the form of being gentle with my mind, my heart, and my body. I took a restorative yoga class this week and it was incredibly emotionally and physically comforting.   The class used a lot of props:  straps, blocks, blankets, and a bolster.  That bolster.  I almost want to order one for home.   Doing some of those poses with my arms wrapped around a bolster felt like I was being embraced in the softest of embraces.   I am almost embarrassingly in love with that sensation, so I'm attending another of the restorative yoga classes on Sunday.    Seriously,  dear reader, a child's pose with a bolster is just about the best thing.  Ever.

And, I have plans to make a lovely chickpea/mango curry (again) for Saturday night's dinner with a friend and make a nice big pot of warm chili on Sunday evening (FALL!!!!!), so yay for me.  I'll admit that I've stopped working myself up about counting points and miles and steps for a brief while.   I don't think I've lost the desire or the motivation to do that, but right now, it seems more important for me to just eat mostly healthily and get in some exercise (mostly walking, probably about 3 or 4 times a week) and allow myself some time to get back to a more stable emotional place without the pressure of the constant striving.  

A huge work project was finished just today - the hiring of a new Arts Center Director - which took the better part of three months.   That's a load off of my mind.   And,  Fall Break approaches.   Here are my priorities for Fall Break:

1)  Do nothing.

2)  Do more nothing.

3) Take naps.

4)  Fit in a massage.

5) Squeeze in a visit to a bookstore and some Thai food.

6)  More nothing.

7)  Did I mention sleeping?

8)  And, maybe some reading.  For fun.

So, there you go, dear reader.   Embracing the fall.   Planning nothing.  Comfort, comfort, comfort.   Things aren't so bad, are they?

Thanks for reading.