Dear Reader:

I just thought we all needed this.   In my imaginary life as a freelance classical musician in NYC, I live in this brownstone with this little back patio covered in this greenery.   I've got a pretty detailed and elaborate set of circumstances in this imaginary life of mine.    And, frankly, I've been living there for the past couple of weeks.  

I am very sorry to say that I completely and totally lost my sense of perspective and sense of humour during this two week stretch of public school cancellations.   Having to take care of the kids (or have them taken care of) while I was trying to work was hellish.  There was no minute where I wasn't teaching or taking care of children.   Absolutely none.   I felt inadequate almost every minute of each day.   Multi-tasker, I am not.   I was in survival mode.   But, I will say this for myself.   I gritted my teeth and GOT ON WITH IT.   You may remember that I am beginning to recognize that one of my qualities is an ability to "get on with it."    I was grimly surviving this situation.   Actually, I am still surviving this situation.  But the grimness fled when I relocated my sense of humour and perspective at approximately 5:15pm today.   The kids and I were about to leave my office building and there was a large box by the back door.   I told the kids that they could open it.   This is what ensued!:

And, it was like a switch went off in my brain.   Oh, hell, my brain said.   Nothing really matters but this moment of fun and joy.   Just let it go, Lisa.   So, all evening, since this moment, I have been thinking about spring and plans for the future and maybe getting a house someday where I can have this room:

And, how, maybe, if it doesn't cost a ridiculous amount of money, I might go to a local store that advertised these scarves and buy one:

I also have been thinking about spring break.   Kids in school.  Me not in school.   A delightful combination.   Maybe I'll get a massage and practice the piano for long stretches and read books by the dozen.  

Also, I am very proud of myself.   I have stayed on this "cleanse" throughout my despair (have I mentioned how HARD this period was for me?  H-A-R-D.   I mean, not to complain or anything.  Ha.).   This is a classic situation where my normal instinct is to go for the comfort food, but I have resisted admirably.   I'm a superhero, really.   I'm not kidding at all.   I am now 98% sugar, soy, caffeine, gluten, corn and dairy free.   I say 98% because I do not live in NYC where the originator of this cleanse lives and where healthy alternatives to everything abounds.   Did you know that sugar is in every. single. thing.   I'm pretty sure that air contains sugar.   Also, why is soy everywhere?   Anyway, I am keeping hunger at bay by snacking like a fiend.   Hummus on rice cakes - check.   Pickles (make sure there's no sugar) - check.   Nuts - check.    Homemade salsa and guacamole - check.   Fruits and veggies everywhere - check.  

I am drinking lemon water first thing in the morning.    I am having a protein smoothie (pear, kale, banana, almond milk, coconut milk, protein powder, flax seeds, cinnamon) for breakfast.   Lunch today was a hamburger without anything but mustard - hopefully no bad stuff in that, but, you know, whatever - and fruit.    Dinner was eggs and sausage and cucumbers and beans.   Weird, but filling.    I will probably have a protein smoothie for breakfast and dinner tomorrow with some sort of clean lunch and multiple snacks.   I am definitely feeling a big difference.  The first couple of days were yucky.   Fatigue and headaches and weird digestion issues.    It's starting to calm down now and I'm feeling less brain fog and more clarity and a bit more energy.   But, honestly, I'm mostly feeling pride that I am carrying through with this right now, under great duress.    I am not weighing myself during this process.  I want this to be totally about how I feel.   So, about a week and a half left of this ascetic discipline and then re-entry into the real world of food.   I will say that this thing is making me feel more connected with how every food makes me feel, both physically and emotionally.  And, I'm not going to lie,  I miss bread.   Oh, bread.   Sigh.   And, there was a beautifully symmetrical cheesecake at the church dinner last night which I may have written a sonnet about.  Now that I think about it, I should just transfer those feelings to my alternative NYC hipster life.   Because that girl could clearly eat a slice of cheesecake with no deep emotional baggage attached to it.   After all, she's walking around Manhattan all day going to gigs.   I'll let her have it.

The other thing I am proud about is that I am not letting this get too completely obsessive.  Listen, if I am in a rush and I need to use a bit of butter to fry my egg in, well, that's OK.   I am mostly clean.  And, that is about a gazillion percent more healthy than my usual mode.   And, really, let me reiterate that it is highly unusual for me to be under so much stress and fatigue (see: seventh circle of single parent hell - school closings for more than three days) and not turn completely to food to carry me through.   Seriously shocking.   Noteworthy even.

So, another day at the juggling camp tomorrow.    I will most definitely write a sonnet about putting my kids on the bus on Monday.   I may cry some happy tears and high five the other parents at the bus stop.   No, really.   But, I will say that my admiration for single parents (or any parents, but especially single) who live in less happy economic circumstances than myself and have less flexible jobs than I do is skyrocketing right now.   People getting on with it.    Life.   Sometimes, you just want to take a vacation from it.  

21 days until spring, dear reader.   We are going to make it.  

Thanks for reading!