Dear Reader:

Here's the verdict:   Roald Dahl is the best storyteller ever.   I have to admit that I never read any Roald Dahl when I was a kid.  HOW DID I LIVE WITH THIS GAPING HOLE IN MY EDUCATION?    The kids and I are just starting to read "James and the Giant Peach" and - holy-moly - he just catapults you into this crazy world on the first page when James' parents get eaten by an angry rhinoceros and then he goes to live with those awful aunts - Aunt Sponge and Aunt Spiker.  They are SO AWFUL.  So, the best parts about this are the fact that I love the way he describes all the scenes - it feels so good to read aloud.   And, I loved the shocked and fascinated looks on my kids' faces from the first page.  And, I loved how they kept predicting what was going to happen next and how they told me that those Aunts were AWFUL.    Squee.    Let me give you one of my favorite passages so far:

"Something else, he told himself, something stranger than ever this time, is about to happen to me again soon.  He was sure of it.  He could feel it coming.

He looked around him, wondering what on earth it was going to be.  The garden lay soft and silver in the moonlight.  The grass was wet with dew and a million dewdrops were sparkling and twinkling like diamonds around his feet.  And now suddenly, the whole place, the whole garden, seemed to be alive with magic."

MAGIC, I tell you.  

I'm sure that you, dear reader, know all of the Roald Dahl books by heart, but YAY for me for getting to experience them for the FIRST TIME WITH MY KIDS.   You can tell I am excited by the amount of capitalization here.   I may have mentioned before that I love experiencing something awesome for the first time.   I mean, I love experiencing awesome things over and over again, but there is something so gorgeous and beautiful and utterly exciting about the FIRST TIME.   And, the first time reading a great book is one of the best experiences ever.   I actually spend minutes, nay hours, sometimes remembering fondly and nostalgically and bittersweetly (is that a word?) my first reading of all of the Jane Austen novels, of the Anne of Green Gables series, of Jane Eyre, of Hamlet, of Mrs. Dalloway, of To Kill a Mockingbird and many, many others.   I am often envious of my college students for all of their first experiences, including the first time playing a Chopin Nocturne or a Bach Prelude.   So at almost 44 to have a first time experience with these books at the same time as my children is just about the best thing in the world.  

That's really why I love travel so much, you know.   Seeing things for the first time ever.   That's an irreplaceable feeling.   Although, I don't think you HAVE to travel to feed your curiosity and humanity.   There's plenty of new things to experience every single day in your backyard, if you notice them.   Right, dear reader?   (Total digression - I have travelled a good bit for someone my age, I think - maybe not as much as some, but I've been to China and Africa and Europe (several times) and South America.  And, I loved those trips because I embraced and loved most of the experiences I had in those places. But, I've known people who have never left a 100 mile radius with the best imaginations and most curiosity and the broadest minds, and I've known world travelers with the smallest minds and imaginations and with a complete lack of curiosity - total jackasses.   You know what I mean? - What is it that Emerson said?  "Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us, or we find it not.")

Ahem.  Anyway, I've been on the struggle bus lately on several fronts - some serious professional challenges arose during the last week,  a generalized feeling of sadness and negativity about myself, some real struggles with parenting that are entirely due to my own tiredness and mild depression.   But, I will not give up.   I will continue to try to take care of myself and be gentle with myself.   I haven't been able to do the Facebook hiatus, but I am starting to wean myself little by little and participate in other things.   Continuing to work on that.  And, clearly, I didn't go quite a month without a blog post (you didn't really want me to, did you dear reader? :)).    But, I've been doing some good reading.   And, I had a good walk this evening.  With my kids in VBS all this week from 6-8:30pm every night, I get some alone time on the trail.   Walking, walking, walking.   Satisfied sigh.

Here's some pics from this evening's walk (I rarely get the treat of an evening walk with my parental duties):

Oh, and I almost forgot to mention that I had yet another lovely chat and visit with a former student and current dear friend.   She also went to study with my teacher, Christine, after she left undergrad with me.   So, we got to have a satisfying talk about her and how much we miss her.  

I am about a quarter of the way into "Parenting with Presence" by Susan Stiffelman which is now the only parenting book that I think is worth anything.   It actually focuses on the parent rather than the child's behavior.   It is so affirming to have a book address what I always suspect is at the core of good parenting - taking care of yourself and doing the work on yourself so that you can be fully present with your children and see them and allow them to see you fully.   Parenting as spiritual practice, really.   Here's a great quote:

"To grow from rather than grumbling about the mismatch between our idealized snapshots and our real life requires a lot of letting go.  Hundreds of times a day we are offered the chance to make friends with a difficult moment rather than gritting our teeth as we endure it.  It all comes down to micro choices - the tiny, moment-to-moment decisions we make about how to approach what is in front of us."    

Micro-choices.   Yes.   Not just about parenting, right?   I don't know that I'm very good at this.  But, I do know that I am good at persevering.   I keep at it.  And, I like the idea that "letting go" of the life that you wanted to have or the children that you wish you had or the you that you wish you were or the relationship that you wish you had is a constant series of little "letting go" moments.   That I'm not supposed to have one big overwhelming LET IT GO moment (although, OK, that song is not bad - it certainly does stay in your head and I would like to be able to wave my hands and create a glimmering ice castle - but I digress...) that requires a force of character and gumption that I just don't believe I have.   If I live in the present moment and really experience it, then that is all that I need to worry about.   Just making the decision that this moment requires.   In the next moment, I'll make that decision, but no use worrying about it now...  

I have made some changes to my routine.   I am doing yoga every morning for at least 30 minutes (only in summer is this possible!).   I have decided to move to a once a month therapist visit (not every two weeks).   I have plans to walk every night this week.   I am planning to eat one of my cleanse approved kale smoothies for one meal each day this week.   I think I will go ahead and turn 44 on Wednesday.   I mean, if I feel like it.  You know, maybe I might want to just have a do-over of 43.  We'll see. :)   I will plant some tomatoes, herbs, peppers, etc. in my little kitchen garden this week.   I am purging slowly, slowly, slowly, and making plans to redecorate and big-kidify the kids' rooms.   And, I'm going to slowly move back to the idea of this blog being a food journal of sorts to keep track of my eating habits.   So, I'll record my food intake on blog drafts and then publish the cumulative results only when I have something interesting (at least to me!) to say in addition to the food stats.   You don't mind, do you, dear reader?   It's a bit quotidian, but it will be helpful to me!

Peace, dear reader.   Peace and Tranquillity.  

Thanks for reading.