Do you know what is completely awesome? Starting to feel like yourself again after a full month of feeling absolutely and completely awful. I sincerely hope to never have strep throat again. Or whatever this "secondary infection" that decided to sink its claws into me really was. Whew. Knock on Wood. Rabbit's Foot. Four Leaf Clover. Horseshoe. Luck be a Lady Tonight. Sending libations to the gods of good health.
I'm getting pretty excited about my trip to South Africa. I love the colleague that I'll be traveling with (this is very important). The students who are traveling and performing are good kids, by and large. And, I am ready to be off the grid and out of my normal roles for a while. I'm naturally a little ambivalent about leaving my babies, but they will be in good hands and things have been planned to the nth degree. What an adventure!
I'm due for an adventure, I'd say. Life has been bruising lately. One of my best friends is moving away from me. Now, I have experienced this before a few times. But, as I get older, this circumstance really has started to make me cranky. I know that I will remain deeply connected to my soul-friends who move away, but WHY ON EARTH MUST THEY MOVE AWAY FROM ME? Couldn't one of them just STAY. Like FOREVER. :) OK, I'm being unreasonable. They must live their best lives, as must I. And, for now, that means separation. (B, you are ONLY A TEXT AWAY. And, I WILL USE ALL CAPS!) So that, which I have not really wanted to think about until lately, plus my sickness has just been brutal. And, I think I have finally come to terms with another lost friendship of a year and a half or two years ago. That one is pretty much completely lost to me, and I realize now that it was not a healthy one and needed to be lost. Time does have a way of softening these disappointments. Thank goodness! But all of this plus some spirit-rending work events have just been a bit too much for me. Do you know what really helps with all of this? I put my hands over my heart/chest and close my eyes and tell myself that it is OK to feel this hurt. It means I care. It means I am alive. It means that I am worthy of tenderness. And love. And, I breathe in love for myself. I am not kidding, dear reader. This really, really works. I know. It sounds just ridiculous. But it works. Here's another lovely thought about sending that self-love outward, eventually:
Let's all agree to try and really "see" each other and love that person just as they are, shall we? I like that kind of empowerment.
Anyway, I'm going to head to my comfortable bed in my quiet house right now and wake up tomorrow and enjoy knocking off a few more things from the pre-trip list. I'll kiss and hug my children and enjoy the spring and play the piano a bit. And, lay my hands on my heart and tell myself that life is so, so good. I might even go buy some plants/seeds to plant in the little kitchen garden that my wonderful friend plowed in my backyard today. Because when I return from trip, my life needs to center around music making, gardening, exercising, eating healthily and meditating. These things are at the center of my Venn diagram of life.
Here's a wonderful thought:
I have been allowing myself to dwell on things that do not serve my spirit. I am determined to dwell, instead on things that give me joy and provide me with beauty. So, here are another few lovely images to dwell on as we move into tomorrow, dear reader.
And, from my own front yard:
And, here's a picture from where I'm about to go:
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