Against all odds, I have completed Day 20 of my 30 day Clean Eating Challenge successfully.  10 more days, everyone.   TEN.  MORE. DAYS.    I will admit that when I jumped into this metaphorical "cold dip" experience I thought I might make it a week and a half and then fold on some of the items, but here I am.   Legitimately proud of myself.   And, it doesn't feel hard.   In the entire 20 days there have been maybe a handful of hours that FELT hard.    Some things that I have learned:

1) I have spent a lot of time in recent years putting food in my mouth that I did not truly enjoy for a variety of reasons.

2)  Being a 47 year old working single mother of 10 year old twins does not automatically make it given that I will be exhausted all the time.

3)  My taste buds are waking up.   My sense of smell is very sensitive.   Mindful eating makes me look forward to treating myself.  

4) It has really helped having a good friend with a similar personality do this thing and connect with me, particularly on a snarky, "we're-in-this-together" level.  

5) Eating small meals/snacks in regular intervals makes a real difference to me.   Adding fiber to my daily diet makes a difference for me.   The afternoon fizz sticks in water are LIFE for energy levels at afternoon piano lessons.

6) What I eat affects my depression, my level of optimism, how I react to my kids, my enthusiasm for my work, my level of generalized muscle pain, my skin's hydration.    

7) I feel like I have the power to reroute my cravings cycle.   Particularly with sugar.  

8) My emotional distress does not necessarily have to be soothed with food.


I am absolutely going to carry some of these ideas and habits/practices past the 30 day mark.   On the self-compassion front, I have had a couple of days where I was not able to adhere to the 12 hour window of no eating after 7pm because of my schedule/kids' schedule.   This would have depressed and de-railed me in the past.    This time I said to myself - "Lisa, you are in a somewhat unusual situation of being the sole caregiver and financial supporter of your family.  Sometimes, you are not going to be able to get dinner on the table before 6:45pm or 7pm.  These are rules are general guidelines, but you have to give yourself a break and just do your best. Try again tomorrow."  

So, the long and short of it is - I am feeling better than I have in a long, long time.   My level of wellness is remarkably different 20 days in.    And, I am not weighing myself or counting calories or trying to live up to some arbitrary standard.   I am listening to my body.  I am holding onto routine and planning.   I am giving myself treats and pats on the back.  

Now, I will say this.   It has taken me a while to get where this progress could be made.   I often let the perfect be the enemy of the good.   I still have days where I feel actual hunger and get really cranky that I can't have bread.   I have wanted to give up the vigilance a couple of times.   I occasionally compare myself and my level of fitness/health and my goals to others.  But, ultimately I know that this line of thinking is not helping me.  Also, I don't know that this 30 day clean eating plan and support products would work for everyone.  But, right now - in this moment - they are what I need and want.   And, I am determined to ask myself (as I would my children) "What do you need right now, Lisa?"   Not surface needs.   Deep needs.   And, I am determined to try to be compassionate to myself and give myself what I need to the best of my ability.  

My plan right now is to  continue to do what I have been doing this month after the 30 day mark to about a 75-80% level.  I will allow myself some little treats on the weekends (I have my eye on that Blue Cheese Wedge Salad at Rain Restaurant, y'all.  Also, the Mu Shu pork taco at Papa Tom's Cantina with a margarita).   However, I will not treat myself with anything that doesn't completely give me pleasure and thorough enjoyment.   It helps me to think of myself as some food critic who needs to be impressed by flavors, etc.  :)

Next month, I am going to re-focus more on activity.  So, two mornings a week, I plan to walk 3 miles on the Salt Trail or Creeper Trail.   Two nights a week, I plan to do a half-hour or so of weight-lifting with the weights I have at home.   Nothing elaborate.   I may wear my Fitbit and track steps, but much like the weight numbers, I am more interested in how I am going to feel.  

I like feeling good.   I like enjoying life.   I will carry on!