Alllllllll righhhhhhhhhht.    I have made it through 6 full days on the Clean Eating Challenge. I am treating this like making it through the first week of the Great British Baking Show or that I got my first (whatever) color belt in karate.   I am, in fact, a warrior.   There were some moments where I felt my eyes drift towards the cinnamon buns in the grocery store or lock in on a piece of cheese that my daughter left on her plate, but for the most part I have done this successfully for six days without too much angst.   WAHOO!

So, here's my story:   I would like to lose weight.   I would essentially like a fairy godmother to come in and twirl her wand and take away years of weight added on by personal neglect and emotional eating caused by depression and anxiety and LIFE.  

Still waiting....

OK, so if that's not going to happen today, let me proceed.   It's really not so much that I'd like to lose weight actually, although that's what the world is constantly telling me to think.   I would like to have lots of energy and enthusiasm for life and enjoy keeping up with my kids and planning adventures for us together and for me by myself and with friends.   I want to feel good about my physical self without anyone else's input.   Losing weight would be a possible by-product of all of those other things.  Not the main goal.   You got that?  NOT. THE. MAIN. GOAL.

So, I came to this point where I felt ready to take some action.   And, suddenly (fairy-godmother-like) a friend of mine introduced me to some products she has been using to help her feel healthier (and I had noticed this positive change in her, and also I just love her and like corresponding with her).   So, I checked the stuff out - the company is Arbonne.   I had never heard of it, but it has been around for a long time.  I think it started off as a skincare company (I am also getting their skincare products, little by little, as a self-care reward) and then branched off into nutritional support.    My friend was not pushy, but the stuff looks fairly scientifically legit and their products seemed to resonate with the kind of support that I think I might need to make these positive changes in my life.   I mean, why not try it.

So, this is my regimen for thirty days:

I take a digestive supplement in the mornings that helps grow good gut bacteria.  This stuff started off tasting YUCK-O, but I am a good soldier and it is starting to taste sweeter as my body becomes my alkaline or less alkaline - science (they explained it and I find it interesting, but I can't be bothered to remember stuff like this)....  Anyway, it squared with some other things that I had read about treating the gut bacteria as important....

Then I have a cup of detox tea which is supposed to help the elimination organs.  It tastes like chamomile tea.   So, pleasant.   Fine.

Then I put together two scoops of chocolate protein powder, a fiber boost powder (just read an article about the importance of fiber in maintaining healthy weight), ice, almond milk/coconut milk, almond butter, berries, or whatever.   Here's the IMPORTANT POINT here:  These shakes taste really quite good.   I mean, look-forward-to-it good.   This is different than other experiences with protein shakes that I have had.   I feel satiated for several hours.

Mid-morning, I will have a snack of items that are not sugar, soy, gluten, dairy, caffeine, etc.   In addition, I will drink a glass of ice water with these "energy fizz sticks" - either blackberry (YES) or pomegranate (GOOD) which are like fruity, mildly carbonated substitutes for iced tea or coffee or soda.   I enjoy them.   But, they also help me not to feel these energy dips that have gotten to be such a pervasive part of my life lately.

At lunchtime, I have another shake (usually a mild variation from the morning's mixture).  In the mid-afternoon, I have another snack (hummus, Beanito's (fake tortilla chips made out of beans which taste SURPRISINGLY good), berries, nuts, tomatoes, cucumbers, other veggies).   Another energy fizz stick drink.

Then dinner is a clean eating dinner - the winners so far have been sweet potato/turkey chili and coconut lime chicken bites.

I don't eat after 7pm.   This one is super hard for me because I am so used to tanking up in the evenings.    But, I have another cup of detox tea or some other herbal tea and talk to myself about how awesome it is that I am doing this for myself until I can stop thinking about eating.

So, six days in and things feel pretty good to me.   I don't know if I will lose a lot of weight, but if I continue to feel good/better then I will likely keep many of these products going beyond the clean eating challenge.   I will have developed some really good habits (especially the not eating after 7pm thing).  

One of the phrases (learned from my self-compassion/meditation ongoing studies) that has helped me immensely in the last six days is this:  I ask myself - "What do I need right now to support me and help me to achieve my goals and to feel good about life?"   "What do I need right now?"  Such a simple question, but asked genuinely and sincerely, it can bring some good answers.  Maybe the answer is not the cinnamon roll, but some sign of love, connection or affection (puppy? kids? friends?) or warmth (blanket? tea? shower?) or safety (boundaries?) or time alone (hiking?) or beauty (music, art, books?).   Or maybe it is the cinnamon roll, you guys, but just asking that question constantly is moving me toward a more honest experience and an acknowledgement of my emotional needs.

6 days is not a month or a year or a forever.   But, we only get to choose for ourselves in the moments we are in.  Not the past or the future.   We can't inhabit those - just look through the foggy glass at them.   So, I celebrate 6 days.   And, if tomorrow I get off track and eat a spoonful of jelly - well, I will ask myself again - "What do I need right now?"   I needed some support and routine and not to have to do all the planning.   Arbonne products and the support group online are giving me that right now.

Have a great week and I'll update next weekend sometime!   If you are interested!  :)