Dear Reader:

In general, when I hear the lead-in to a video describing the main character, a brain named "Broody," going to "school" to learn how to be happy, I tend to be skeptical.  Call me cynical, but really?   Broody?   However, this little animated video has won me over.   Here you go:

http://www.upworthy.com/a-doctors-advice-for-inner-happiness-is-so-easy-that-i-wasnt-a-believer-until-i-tried-it

"Start with the one a breath away.   In this moment.  Now.  Today."   "The pursuit of gratitude and compassion will make you happier than the pursuit of happiness."   Ah yes.  This rings true.   Also, I love that a child is giving us this lesson by way of poetry.

So you know how I was making fun of the Oprah-esque nature of a gratitude journal in the last blog entry?   I need to stop that.   A gratitude journal seems to me to be a wonderful thing.   We should all have the good sense to chase down gratitude in our daily lives.   It is always right out there to be grasped, but we ignore it, ignore it, ignore it.   So, I hereby renounce my earlier statement about the clichéd, hackneyed appearance of the gratitude journal.   It is a sign of good sense.   And, there is nothing I like better than good sense.  

I had another one of those empathetic overload days today.   It is a constant struggle for me to understand how to draw my personal boundaries effectively enough for me to remain connected to people and compassionate to them, but protect myself from taking on too much of other people's pain and problems.   I don't want the self-protection to cause me to shut myself off from people - I have done that before and I think that many people feel that I am aloof because of my tendency to swing in that direction when I am overwhelmed.   I also don't want my openness and caring for other people to lead me into reiterations of poor emotional judgment.   I don't mind having my heart broken, but frankly, dear reader, I'd rather not have it broken in the very same way for the very same reason every time.  Sigh.   Ah well.   It's the end of the academic year - three more days of class, finals week, and it's over - for now.   Everyone's nerves are on edge.  People are tired.   People are disappointed.   People are annoyed at each other.   My super-sensitive radar was picking up empathetic bat signals all day - several people in my office, all sorts of drama.  I do hate seeing people unhappy.  

I had a therapy session today which dealt with some deep fault lines in my psychology that are related to this quality of mine, in regards to emotionally intimate relationships, and the kinds of people I am attracted to.   I haven't made a secret of the fact that I have the good sense to work through many issues in therapy.   There's already too much of a stigma about people seeking help for mental health issues.   Dear reader, it is a sign of good mental health and good sense that you work on yourself like this.   Everyone is wounded in some way or other and needs to heal, because this is real life.   Seriously.   Whether you've had a bad childhood or a wonderful childhood or a string of bad relationships or are in the middle of a fantastic relationship or have had no relationships at all.  Go talk to a therapist.  Make sure it's someone you connect with and trust.  But, do it.  I am fairly sure that my kids will thank me later for working out my issues this way rather than through them.   Although, I expect them to go therapy and talk about me ad nauseum, too!   :)   Anyway, it was an uncomfortable session, as some are, where I uncovered a thing or two that, frankly, I wish I could just bury under several layers of new sod and plant some flowers in....   Ha.  Probably not going to happen.  Nor should it.   This being open to pain and sitting with discomfort and uncertainty business is exhausting.  Mostly, right now, I'd like to be open to watching HGTV and sitting with a margarita and some homemade chocolate chip cookies, but, apparently "good sense" does not want me to use that as a long-term therapeutic strategy.     Did I say there is nothing that I love more than "good sense"?   Maybe I need to revise that opinion.   Ha.   No, Elinor Dashwood is my Austen-ian doppelgänger, so good sense it is!  

Ah well, "Broody" needs to get back to gratitude:  

1) I got to watch my dear girl fall asleep while I was rubbing her back.   She is so cussedly independent and full of moto perpetuo, that I hardly ever get to just enjoy being with her quietly.   That sleepy little smile when she says "I wuv you, Mommy."  I am undone.   Gratitude.  

2) I had time to make my bed this morning.   I love going to sleep in a well-made bed.

3) Only three more days of classes!   I am anticipating one month of personal freedom while the kids are in school and then weeks and weeks of travel adventures, visits to the swimming pool, art camps, soccer camps, reading lots and lots of great books with the kids and by myself that are not at all "reading homework" and gardening at home.   Bliss.

4) Anticipation of cranking up the vegetable spiralizer with some farmer's market goodies and making recipes from "100 Days of Real Food"!

5) Sunshine and breezes.  Perfect.  SPRING.  XOXOXOXO

I hope you can find a hundred moments of gratitude in your life, dear reader.   Chase it down.

And, thanks for reading.