Dear Reader:

Today is Annie Dillard's birthday.   I like her books a lot.   Actually, I love her books.   "An American Childhood" reminds me so much of my own inner life as a child and her descriptions of Pittsburgh bring back memories of traveling to that city (which was the closest thing to a "big city" within 3 hours of my tiny WV town, itself 30 minutes from any interstate highway).  There is something about a book that resonates with the child that you were and the adult who remembers that child which is extraordinarily comforting.   So now I'm all nostalgic and want to post this pic of me and my dad at Niagara Falls:

I am pretty psyched that I'll be taking my kids to this spot in a few weeks!   And, I am totally rocking that 70s kid pantsuit.  I also love how I look like I'm completely unimpressed by the ginormous force of nature behind me.   Ha.   I actually have very, very vivid memories of this trip and the roar of the falls.  We went on the "Maid of the Mist" boat and I wore my yellow slicker and felt like I was being tossed about on the stormy seas.    Very exciting.   All sorts of stories of daredevils going over the falls in a barrel.   And, we stayed in a motel which had a view of the falls at night when they light it up with different colored lights!   Really.  I am so psyched.   There was a clever little TV series called "Wonderfalls" a few years ago about a girl who had just graduated from Brown and was working at a Niagara Falls gift shop where some of the tchotchkes came to life and talked to her (magic realism!).   Sounds crazy, but I liked it a lot.   I'm into quirky.

Anyway, back to Annie Dillard.    She is wise.    Some favorite quotes:

"...If you cultivate a healthy poverty and simplicity, so that finding a penny will literally make your day, then, since the world is, in fact, planted with pennies, you have with your poverty bought a lifetime of days."

"How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives."

I'm afraid that I spend too much of my days in fear or impatience or disappointment or obsessive thinking.  So, I've been on kind of a mission these days to fill more of my moments with gratitude and kindness (both toward myself and others).   Yesterday was a hell of a day.   No way to tiptoe around it.   A lot of stress and things that I perceived as going wrong.   I was tired and cranky and stressed and I cried a few times.   But, at the end of an evening final exam, I stepped out into a night with just exactly the right amount of warmth and coolness and breathed and looked up and out and saw this:

So, I have been practicing this meditation exercise where I repeat the following mantra:

"May you be safe, may you be happy, may you be healthy, may you be free from suffering."  I say it first to myself and then I pick someone I love to send it to, and then I pick someone I am at odds with to send it to...   Surprisingly calming and effective.

And if I am in a conflict or a stressful conversation/experience, I try to think of this mantra:

"You have hopes and dreams, just like me.  You have anxieties and fears, just like me.  You have known suffering, just like me.   You wish to be happy, just like me."

I'll admit, I find it difficult to breathe in these thoughts in the midst of the chaos that my life sometimes becomes, but I figure the effort is worth it, right, dear reader?

I won't bore you with the details of my horrible day yesterday, but I will say that it was capped off nicely today when I was inadvertently punched in the mouth by my daughter and my son jumped up and rammed his head into the bottom of my chin.   Bruises, dear reader.  I have some serious bruises. Both of my darling children were horrified and spent the entire evening trying to cover me with blankets and bring me candy.   Ha.    We were getting ready for bed this evening, and I, in my tiredness, coined the word "tuckle" which is an amalgamation of tuck (as in "tucked in") and snuggle.   I feel fairly confident that "tuckle" is going to make it into the lexicon, don't you?

Tomorrow, I am planning to put my shoulder to the plow and my nose to the grindstone and my other body parts to whatever farm or factory equipment cliché I can find.   I will grade all the things, finish up all of the piano exams, and turn my grades in.   Done.  Fin.   Peace out.   I have a few (hundred) administrative things to do in the next week, but I will start to regain my space and time - I hope.    I went home on Tuesday for lunch and laid down on my bed and watched the sunshine come through the window and heard the lawn mowers and the birds and the dogs barking and thought - SUMMER! Sigh.   Such a quiet house with just me and the sunshine and the ambient sounds.

Saturday is the first day in, I'm not kidding, TWO MONTHS, where I don't have anything scheduled. No work commitments, no kids activities, no social plans.   Other than hitting the farmer's market for some fresh produce (also coffee/baked goods!), I can follow my own whims and caprices.  If it's sunny, maybe a hike with the kiddos.   Maybe reading...  I finished "Department of Speculation" which was a fascinating little book.  Didn't end the way I thought it would.   The marriage that was dissolving re-formed itself.   In a lovely way.   And, now I'm reading "Where'd you go, Bernadette" - hilarious and poignant.  I love that combination.

So, dear reader - May you be safe.  May you be happy.  May you be healthy.  May you be free from suffering.  And, may you be looking towards a Saturday as self-indulgent as mine!

Thanks for reading.