Dear Reader:

After a day that started at 6:45am and saw me coming home at 9:15pm (Sorry, kids...You should have been in bed sooner....), I am forced to admit that I have totally overcommitted myself.   I have too many jobs, too many responsibilities, too much craziness.   So, what else is new, you ask?   Yeah, nothing.   But it is somewhat ironic that I get home and get the kiddos to bed and then basically decide that it's a great idea to watch an online lecture by a philosophy professor (friend of a friend) on the philosophy of the psychology of social cognition (basically how equally intelligent, equally rational, equally well-meaning people can disagree vehemently about an interpretation of the same evidence or situation because of their methods of social cognition).  So, you know, an hour later, here I am watching Stephen Colbert, writing this blog and staying up too late.

But, dear reader, here are some good facts to ponder.   In a week, I will be walking into this lobby:

Yeah.  I know.   I plan on wearing a little black dress with a chiffon scarf and my polka dot kitty heels and sit in this lobby reading Cosmopolitan and drinking a cosmopolitan.  Because, I think you are required to do that if you agree to stay at this hotel.   It's in the fine print.

But, you guys, look at the room I'll be staying in for three nights:

Come on.   Am I really expected to leave this sumptuous room?   Ever?   Do we have any bets on how freakishly wonderful the bathtub will be?   Bubble bath, anyone?

Sigh.  This is going to be nice.

I woke up this morning feeling sad and lonely and depressed, but I am happy to say that I pulled out of it by showing up for my kids and hugging them and laughing with them on the way to school and then connecting myself to the world by taking a walk in the early autumn morning sunlight:

The fact that sights like this are available to me on a daily basis is amazing.  The fact that I can keep putting one foot in front of another and move my body and mind through a world so beautiful is amazing.   And, I tell you what, I really felt, very strongly, that I am part of that beauty and amazingness.    I, dear reader, am beautiful and amazing.   As are you.   And, to not accept that is to do a disservice to every other beautiful part of this beautiful world.   I totally felt that - felt it - this morning on this walk.    It carried me back to the office at 9:15am.   And, through three lessons and one Theory class and several work related emails and volunteering at my daughter's art class (wherein I was asked if I was her grandma!  Ha!), and going to an hour and a half meeting and picking up the kids and taking them to church with me while I taught another lesson and accompanied the choir rehearsal and came home and got the kids ready for bed and, you know, watched that philosophy lecture, then started writing this blog....   It carried me through.

And, in the middle of that craziness, I had an opportunity to play the Steinway "D" that I picked out in NYC 2 years ago on the stage of my college's brand new Arts Center for the first time:

Such an amazing moment for me.   This is such a culmination of a lot of effort from myself and colleagues for a lot of years.   And, I played some Debussy and it sounded so lovely in that acoustic and I thought of all of the students who will call this stage a creative home and I teared up a little bit.

So, even with all of the "too-much-ness" in my life, there is such abundance of goodness.   That look on my daughter's face when she saw me at her school (so happy that I was there).   That moment in Theory class when I landed on a fantastic analogy for talking about the relationship between keys.  That moment on the trail this morning when all that I could hear was the wind in the trees and the birdsong.   This is available to me every day.   I'm going to continue to try and show up for it more often.

My mama is coming for a visit this weekend.   We're going to have afternoon tea at a nice tea parlor in the adjacent town.  I'm going to show her the Arts Center.   We'll talk and catch up and I will feel loved.

I have decided to work this psychological trick on myself with Weight Watchers.   I am going to plan to go on the plan for three weeks.   I can do anything for three weeks.   I will be disciplined.   I will be focused.  And, then when the three weeks are over, I'll sign up (metaphorically) for another three weeks.   I can do anything for three weeks, folks.   :)    We'll see how this works.

Last night, I went to see a movie adaptation of a Thomas Hardy novel.   Probably the only one with a happy ending (although it has its share of tragedy).   Sweeping vistas of Dorsetshire.   The most steadfast, kind, and emotionally mature romantic hero in all of literature (Gabriel Oak.   Not subtle about the symbolism of names, that Thomas Hardy.   Another case in point:  Bathsheba Everdene).

Tomorrow,  I shall attend a lovely first concert in the new Arts Center.   A great Broadway vocalist.  This should clear out my babysitting budget for the year (ha, ha.   No, really!).   But, it is worth it.  I am taking care of myself, which in turn, helps me take care of my children.

Ah, I am totally rambling now, dear reader.  Sorry!   I'll become more cogent when I am not writing after midnight.   Time for bed.

Thanks for reading.