Dear Reader:

"April is the cruellest month, breeding
Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing
Memory and desire, stirring
dull roots with spring rain."

- T.S. Eliot - The Waste Land - 1922

The first phrase of this poem has been quoted to me no less than 5 times since April 1.   I don't know if all of my fellow professors are feeling the stress and tension of the end of year cyclical activity or if everyone is somewhat insecure about the advent of spring, but people have been trotting this one out a lot lately!    Today, however, was not cruel at all.  There was SUN, SUN, SUN, SUN, SUN, SUN, SUN. And, tension-filled little parts of my mind and heart just loosened up and unfurled to allow the sun to peek into the crevices.    It was a glorious afternoon/evening.   My walk around campus with a friend was so lovely.   It bodes well for the next few weeks of walking/running.

But, of course, I thought of this quote and, as a result, had to trace it down and found out that Eliot was making an ironic allusion to the Prologue to Chaucer's Canterbury Tales which speaks of the regenerative nature of spring and the rebirth associated with the pilgrimages that were often started in April.   Naturally, a poem that is entitled "The Waste Land" is not interested in the redemptive imagery of spring...   Of course, after I traced the Chaucer reference, I was reminded of this wonderful moment when I was on a tour of England, Belgium, and France with my college concert choir in my freshman year.   We ended up in Canterbury towards the end of the tour - even got to sing in Canterbury Cathedral - I remember singing "The Blue Bird" by C.V. Stanford:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tJcad_kowuI

And, "My Love Dwelt in a Northern Land" by Elgar:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LrIXAjgn50Q

OK, sorry, I digress.  But, isn't that music lush?   Lovely?   Can you imagine how thrilling it was for an 18 year old me to be a part of those sounds resonating in a centuries old cathedral?????   Ah, and the pièce de résistance of that Canterbury stay was driving our charter bus up to an old abbey that had been renovated into a hotel.   I saw that there was a tower room - circular with windows on all sides, and I thought, I'll bet someone important gets to stay in that room.  Well, you guessed it.   In a move that has not been equalled since, in terms of good fortune, I was assigned to that room.   My romantic little 18 year old heart was in HEAVEN.

Which all goes to show you that when I allow my mind to wander from the month of April to a stay in the tower room of a hotel in Canterbury, I am clearly no longer able to discipline my thoughts on this page.   Ha.   Maybe it has something to do with my recent few nights of insomnia.    At some point that pattern will break and I will sleep like a baby again.   I look forward to it!

Since I am off the hook from logging in my statistics for two weeks (thanks for the new arrangement, Universe), I would like to point out two ideas (gifts) that were given to me by good friends that have been useful in my thinking about this journey to health and wellness that I am on.

One friend gave me this simple and wonderful idea about building up compassion and kindness for myself - which as I have mentioned before,  I think is key to establishing a more healthy life-long relationship with food (and really, EVERYTHING in one's life).   And, I may have also mentioned before that I struggle with this sometimes.  She asked me to imagine my daughter or son dealing with a stressful or unhealthy situation that I might find myself in.   What would I wish for in that case?   What would I want them to do for themselves?   How would I want them to view themselves and treat themselves within that same context?    And, then - here's the kicker - imagine giving myself the same advice that I would give them.   If I thought for one minute that one of my children felt ashamed about some part of themselves and was trying to hide or repress or eradicate something in themselves because of that shame, I would be deeply grieved.   So, it is clear that I need to treat myself in the same way that I'd want them to treat themselves.  Because, how are they going to learn how to be in the world and how to respect themselves and show themselves compassion? - BY SEEING ME DO IT FOR MYSELF.     I have to model it for them.  But, I also should do it for myself.  Because, as my friend said, I DESERVE kindness and compassion.   (Thanks, B.)

A second friend also commented on the link to the TED talk that I mentioned a few posts ago.  You know, dear reader, the one about how our set points for weight can go up easily, but rarely go down?   My friend said "Well, RARELY do people (insert all of Lisa's accomplishments here)....."   So, since I am the exception to some other "rules,"  why might I not be the exception to the "set point" rules...  This gave me some comfort.   (Thanks, S.).

In any case, I am glad that April wasn't really cruel today.   I will take many more days of this kind of sunshine and peace.  

Thanks for reading!