Dear Reader:

Greetings from Friday evening.   What a lovely day it was - the sunshine, the breeze, the fact that it is staying light out a little longer each evening.   I actually got quite a bit of work done on some work and home projects today, so I'm feeling a sense of some accomplishment.   And, it's a holiday weekend - YAY!   So, I have an opening of an artisan center tomorrow morning (as well as a trip to gather some fresh strawberries at the farmer's market or a roadside stand that I noticed today).   And, a cookout with friends (my kids' BFF and family) tomorrow evening.   And, dinner with a friend (fish on the grill!  Also, pineapple on the grill with drizzled chocolate for dessert - heaven!) on Sunday evening and a large get-together on Monday.   Whew.   It'll be quite a weekend.   Plus, my little ones are going to have their preschool graduation on Thursday of next week and we've got family traveling in for that (and our neighbors will be there) - which is just ridiculous, of course.  It is just preschool.   But, let's face it.  I'm going to cry when they start the little photo montage movie with an appropriate "timeless" soundtrack and I watch pictures of my kids at this preschool from age 20 months to present day.  Geez.   I am such a sucker.  SUCH A SUCKER.    I mean, they are actually not leaving the preschool until August, but....

So, I joined WW yesterday.   The online version, of course, because I can't imagine anything more excruciating than taking myself to weekly meetings and trying to look super cheery about new chicken recipes and new ideas for exercise.   I mean, if they had a group of middle-aged, disaffected academic types with dark senses of humor, maybe I'd consider it....    Ha, ha.   But, I do plan to keep logging away on the WW website and keep track of points for a while and utilize all of the wondrous technology that comes along with my $17.95 per month.   Huzzah.   I need a little jumpstart again, and this just may do it.   I know that they say that you need to have someone to physically meet with each week to keep you accountable, but I've got to tell you that I have really decided that it's OK that I am not the type of person who wants to have a workout buddy or a diet buddy, etc.   I was listening to these two late twenties/early thirties women at the gym today talking about their weight loss woes (in addition to their apparently lackluster husbands - a conversation in which I had little to no to negative interest) and I was just struck by how all of these conversations (particularly between women) always follow the same narrative arc.   They talk about how their metabolisms, back in the day, would allow them to eat anything and now they have to subsist on grapefruit and tonic water if they want to lose even one pound.   And, how the one's body type used to be athletic but, geez, after that second child (insert complaint about lackluster husband no. 1 never letting her have time off from the kids to go to the gym) it's just all over and let's outline how much we hate about at least 5 different body parts.  There is a lot of head shaking in tacit agreement.    And, then one of them said (this was a new one to me) that she now had to go to the tanning bed because when she was skinny it didn't matter if she was white, but that being heavier requires her to attempt some bronzing.   WHAT?   WHAT?

Anyway, they seemed like very nice women, really, and supportive of each other, but it was a tired conversation to my mind.   It's like when you are out with a group of women having lunch and all anyone can talk about is the diet that they are on. How about having the "diet" conversation when we are NOT sitting at a table preparing to eat ourselves into a state of penitence and confession?  Huh?  Huh?    It just made me realize, again, how the constant cultural message for women is that they SHOULD NOT be satisfied with their bodies or with the way that they are putting food in their mouths.   And, if you have body image issues like I do (and, really, I think that I am not falling on the extreme end of the spectrum with this, if my conversations with other women are anything to go by) those messages are just deafening.   Dear me, it's exhausting.   I have to say that I feel like I might be getting to the point where my weariness of the topic is just about at the limit of my capacity to think about it.  How can "we" or "I" reframe and reenergize this conversation to be more helpful?  How can I think about how I can cultivate a sense of pleasure in eating?  Real pleasure, not numbing pain or anxiety.  And, how can I cultivate a sense of pleasure and confidence in how I move my body?   These are the questions that I'd like to talk about over the lunch table or out on the trail with other women (or men).   We tend to dance around our body image issues a lot because we are afraid of making anyone feel bad for us and we don't want to elicit the platitudes that we so often hear, am I right?   I can only speak for me, but I really just want to occasionally have an honest conversation with friends about this part of my life which is only a portion of my life, but which does have an impact (more or less, depending on the day and my mood!) on most of the things I do on a daily basis.  

And, now I will show the inconsistency of my approach to this by continuing to discuss my weight in terms of numbers - ha, ha, ha, ha.   The weight is still holding steady this week, but I am determined to lose at least ONE POUND THIS WEEK.  You heard it here.   By next Friday, I will have lost ONE POUND.   That pound will carry some good psychic baggage with it.    I have been super-industrious with my exercise this week.  Every day cardio for 30-50 min.   I ran/walked on the trail twice this week.   I did  three sessions of strength training and I have to say that I have felt a significant difference in my muscle tone and the strength of my body since I started this whole thing in October/November.   This is one area in which I feel unequivocally successful, so I decided to share some pictures of the machines that I've been using once or twice a week at the gym.   I also have some free weights (7, 8 and 10 lbs.) that I use at home and an exercise ball.  

So, welcome, dear reader, to the weight room:

Here was evidence of today's cardio:  30 minutes on the elliptical garners me 398 calories burned and 2.38 miles travelled by moving arms and legs in place.

OK, in the upper left corner of this pic is the leg press.   I do three sets of 15 on this machine (today with weight at 140, 140, and 145) interspersed with two sets of 15 calf raises (feet lower on the resistance pad and a smaller motion that just activates the calves) with the weight at 100.   I then move on to the hip adductor/abductor, but this pic also includes the row resistance machine (see the yellow knobs - yeah, that's where it is) and, when raised up, it turns into lat pull downs.   I do three sets of 15 reps of each of these starting with the weight at 25 and then raising it to 40.   Also, do you see the two sided rope hanging in front of the door?  That's the tricep pull-down which I do three sets of 15 at 25, 40, and 40 as well.

OK, here's the hip abductor/adductor:

This was super-challenging to me at first (I had little to no hip muscle development at the beginning of this adventure) but has gradually become a lot easier.  You alternate three sets with your legs on the outside of those pads pushing in (15 reps at 25, 40, 40) and three sets with your legs on the inside of those pads pushing out (15 reps at 25, 40, 40).  I have found that if I slow the return on these reps, I can squeeze a little extra work out of myself.   Did I just say that?  Am I really talking about exercise this way?   Wonders will never cease.

OK, here's the rear delt, fly pecs machine.  This all refers to muscles that I only vaguely know the names of - I can feel them when they are working though.  So, you alternate sitting forward and bringing your arms together and sitting facing the back and pulling your arms apart on this one.  3 sets of 15 at 25, 40, 40 except that I cannot do the pushing the arms out at more than 25 for all three reps.  Total wimp on that.   I skipped this one today in the interest of time, but I almost always utilize this machine.

This machine is called the chest press - aka - the machine invented by Mephistopheles.   I hate this machine but force myself to utilize it EVERY TIME I go to the gym.   And, I just LOVE looking at myself in the mirror on this one.  SUPER UNFLATTERING.   Sigh.   Anyway - three sets of 15 reps at 25 (hands on inner position), 25 (hands on outer position - seventh circle of hell), and 40 (hands on inner position - 8th circle of hell).  Also, the way you (aka me) sit on this machine makes your (aka my) already flabby and way too big abdomen (Hi, everyone  - I had 15 lbs. of babies in there!  I WILL NEVER LOOK THE SAME AGAIN!  Trying to accept that.  Trying to accept that.) appear to be the size of a small elephant's torso.   So awesome.   This is where I pay for all of my sins in life.   Chest press.   Ugh.    

Yeah, anyway.  At the end of all of this training (about 40 min. or so to do the whole circuit), I put a mat on the floor and did 100 abdominal crunches - 3 sets of 20 TVA crunches (straight up off the floor like a sit-up but you don't come all the way up and your arms are folded across your chest) and 2 sets of 20 bicycles (alternating "sitting up" to your right and left while the opposite leg pushes out a la bicycle pedaling).    This has improved for me a lot since November.   I used to not even be able to get to 40 without feeling like I'm dying, but I actually feel fairly confident about the 100 now and don't even take many breaks in between.    I only wish it had made my abdomen look a little less Pillsbury dough-boy-ish, but maybe I just need to cultivate patience and acceptance here.   I'll try to increase the Zen quotient.

OK, onto the food today:

Breakfast:

I've recently begun to question if I am eating too many eggs.   I really need the protein in the morning.  REALLY.   Hmm.

Lunch:

Vegetable soup and....

Half of a cranberry turkey panini (YUMMY.) and some baked pita chips with salsa.

Dinner (chicken and fresh vegetable salad - I ate about 2/3 of this):

Afternoon snack:

This was a packet of peanuts, cheese cubes, and cubed chicken breast for an exorbitant $1.79 - I'm going to make my own next time - and it really did fit the bill after my workout.

So, total estimated calories consumed:  1860

OK, I was totally going to talk about green smoothies in this post, but it's gone on too long, so I'll have to wait until next time.   Oh, it will be worth it.   Fun times.

I am now going to go outside and see what I can view of the meteor shower tonight.   Happy star-gazing, dear reader.

Thanks for reading!