Dear Reader,

I know.  I know.  It has been over a week.  The last time you saw me I was engaging in hedonistic behavior on my mini-break.   And, yes, I have paid for it because....

I gained 3 lbs. this week.  UUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHH.   OK, I've gotten that out of my system.  I also posted (on FB) a lovely picture of myself and my mom on Mother's Day and I am having real trouble not focusing on my perceived physical faults in that picture EVEN THOUGH I can see that it's a lovely representation of our relationship.   But, why is it that I can look at some pictures and deal with them just fine but others just send me to the brink of the self-esteem black hole?  Why?

Well, as usual, I have other random questions which I'd like to get out of the way as well.  A little humor will help me assuage my self esteem issues, right?    So, my other cosmic questions include this:

1) Why does Oprah feel the need to brand everything in the world?

Case in point:  I went to Target today to get some red duct tape to create a Red Cross symbol on my son's T-shirt for his dance recital - long and uninteresting story - and I saw that the little Starbucks counter imbedded in the front of Target had a huge sign advertising Oprah's new Chai Tea which was currently on sale.   Now, why?   Is she going to have a brand of drill bits next?   Is Chai Tea Oprahesque because she is all about peace and meditation and becoming your best self and that seems vaguely Indian?   But, not so Indian that it wouldn't be appropriate at STARBUCKS?

Here's Oprah with the CEO of Starbucks.  Look at them casually drinking that Chai Tea and chatting in front of 400 cameras and 25 million people.   So enlightened.

Cheers, Oprah.  I'm sure you are going to use the funds from this to support organic strawberry farmers in Bhutan.   You clearly know how to live life.

2)  Go, Dog, Go.   This book is not by Dr. Suess, but it does come from that series of books that Dr. Suess "sponsors" - e.g. the Cat and the Hat icon is on it.  The author is P.D. Eastman.   So, I actually find many interesting things in this book (including the one dog that does not go to sleep in the night pictures and does appear to continue sleeping in the "get up and go, dogs" picture), but the most puzzling is those three dogs coming out of the maze.  What happened to them?  Are they zombies?

This disturbs me on various levels.  But, I did find the answer.  Enjoy this, dear reader:

http://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/speak-dogs-speak-an-oral-history-of-go-dog-go

Exactly.

3)  Does this clip from the Louis C.K. show (I didn't even know he had a show - is it on HBO or something?) seem as poignant to you as it does to me, dear reader?    I'm not sure I share every single one of the perceptions expressed here, but enough of them to be affected by the rather beautiful way in which this was presented.   I like a couple of things in this scene very much:  1) the way Louis C.K. lets her talk and really appears to listen and think about what she says and 2) the way that she does not seem like she views herself as a victim or as someone unworthy of love and belonging.   I just think this was brilliantly done.  You need to watch the video to get the full effect.  So, enjoy:

http://jezebel.com/louis-c-k-s-rant-on-fat-girls-is-absolutely-magnificent-1575653738?utm_campaign=socialflow_jezebel_facebook&utm_source=jezebel_facebook&utm_medium=socialflow

OK, back to me and my not-so-great week on the body image, weight loss, wellness front.   Here are my stats:

Total calories consumed: 1729

Total calories burned:  475 (35 minutes on elliptical at gym)

Fitbit steps:  10, 914

Here are the pics:

Yes.  That is a s'more.   And, it was delicious.  

So, the question is how am I going to feel empowered to get back into the straight and narrow after falling off of the wagon for a few days.   I am about to embark on the summer schedule of the academic which is glorious and dangerous all at the same time.   Because there is so much freedom of schedule and so little motivation to keep oneself to a structured routine.   So, I'm going to have to make myself participate in a schedule that will keep me moving towards my goals.   Here are some of my main goals:

1)  I want to lose 15-20 more pounds by the beginning of the academic year.  Seriously.  I'm not kidding.  I really, really want to do this.

2)  I want to do cardio exercise at least 5 days a week with at least 3 of those days including running (couch-to-5K).

3)  I want to do resistance training 3 days a week with at least one of them being at the gym on the machines (two can be at home with free weights).

4)  I want to cook more and more healthily.

5)  I want to try some green smoothie recipes so that I can incorporate more greens into my diet in a relatively painless way. 

6)  I want to get into some good ratios of proteins and carbs at all of my meals to counteract the effects of insulin resistance.

7)  I want to practice piano at least two hours a day.

8)  I want to continue working on more positive body image self-talk.    

9)  I want to swim more.

10)  I want to sleep better.

11)  I want to clean and purge in my house in a big way.   

12)  I want to enjoy eating when I do it.  Thoroughly enjoy.  Without a lot of guilt.   

All right, this list is getting ridiculous.   Even if I do some of these things, I'll be ahead of the game.   

Ultimately, I want to feel proud of myself again about these wellness initiatives.  I'm losing a bit of that initial pride that I had.   I know that this journey is not a straight line.  Nothing in life is a straight line.  I do know that, although I sure do fight against it sometimes.   So, I'm just going to keep plugging along, dear reader.   And, I do thank you for joining me for a bit along the way.   It helps!

Thanks for reading!