Dear Reader:

Today was, by far, the most self-indulgent day that I have spent in a million moons.  In fact, it was so self-indulgent that I feel as though I need to do penance.   I should probably devote the rest of my life to some sort of self-sacrifice.  Maybe become a martyr to motherhood?  Start a non-profit philanthropic company?   Go on some sort of social justice hunger strike?   Start volunteering in war-torn countries?   I don't know.   It just doesn't seem right, somehow, that I spent this much money and attention on myself today.   Don't worry, dear reader.  I am not so overpowered by my sense of guilt about this self-indulgence that I let it *actually* get in the way of spending money and time on myself.    Let's just do a run-down of the self-indulgent activities (Father forgive me, for I did whatever I wanted to today, with no thought at all to anyone else's happiness...):

Food first (it's ridiculous to even attempt to count calories today - you'll see why):

Brunch (Eggs Betty - this was soooooooo gooooooooodddddd.):

No lunch, but an afternoon snack (Lavender and Honey liquid truffle - COSMICALLY LIFE-CHANGING):

Dinner (Lamb Pistachio Curry and Spinach/Goat Cheese Naan, Peach Margarita):

I ate about 2/3 of the entree and two pitas worth of naan.   And, of course, the ENTIRE margarita.  

OK, also - full disclosure:  I bought some books.  Like, maybe 5 or 6.  OK, it was 6.   And, also, two framed prints for either my office or my bedroom.   And, also, I had a massage and a facial.  Yes, I know.  It's ridiculous, right?   That is almost hedonistic.  I should be ashamed.   Also, I slept in.  And, came back to the hotel and took a nap.   And, totally wandered around in the sunshine in the city (OK, it's not a big city, but it's definitely more urban than my bucolic wonderland home) looking at things like this:

Can anyone tell me what kind of tree this is?   It looks like a dogwood, but not quite....  Maybe it's a variety of dogwood that I'm not used to?   Anyway, it was spectacular and made me Quite Happy.   

Because I feel like I have to beg for forgiveness for doing this much for myself, I will tell you that my aesthetician (that's what they call people who give facials - who knew?  Not me.  The last time I got a facial was in 1997 and that was the first time) did tell me that my skin is showing some signs of aging and that I probably need to take better care of it.   Yeah.  Thanks.   Now I feel old and leathery.  And, my masseuse (OK, I have had a massage as recently at 2009, shortly after the kids were born) tells me that I have some serious tension in my shoulders and neck.  Again.  Thanks.   But, it felt soooooo gooooooood to have some just push out those knots and moisturize that skin.   And, dear reader, I have been under such a dark cloud of worry regarding my finances for about two years until I recently paid off my educational loans, car loan, and credit cards that I really wanted to just spend some money - just a bit - on something frivolous.   I wish I could do it without this guilt, but well, there you go.   I intend to go back to my penny-pinching, frugal ways for the summer, stock up some summer school salary and church salary, look forward to the nearly $1000 that comes back into my paycheck each month after the kids go to kindergarten ("free school") and start working harder at achieving a retirement package that will allow me to retire before I'm 90 and get my kids through college (they may have to live at home, but it was "good enough for their mother"!!) and maybe, if I feel like it, buy a house (I'm not sure that I'm interested in that part of the American Dream - we'll see).   

Here's some more good news about today.  Even though I indulged, I also walked 11,361 steps today - fitbit continues to call me a "champ"!    And, I just swam 15 laps in the hotel pool (had it all to myself).   That is a Good Day!    Even with the chocolate.  And, the hollandaise sauce.   Ha.   

And, of course, as I was eating dinner in the lovely Indian restaurant, I was looking in my purse and found this:

And, it made me miss my girl.   So, I called my kids and they seemed excited to be at a soccer game and they told me that they missed me...   So, maybe I was thinking of someone other than myself today (I also bought them the most awesome newly illustrated version of Wind in the Willows!) for at least a few minutes.     

Well, dear reader, I must go tally up some final grades and submit them electronically before I go to sleep in my lovely, puffy, fluffy, decadent hotel room bed.    One more full day of indulgence (maybe a little less hedonistic?) - a movie and/or a hike, perhaps - and then home to real life which is also lovely.   I'll leave you with a poem from a Mary Oliver book that I purchased today (this book, entitled "Swan," against all odds, contains a poem on EVERY PAGE that I LOVE - it's like she wrote it for me):

Don't Hesitate

If you suddenly and unexpectedly feel joy,

don't hesitate.  Give in to it. There are plenty

of lives and whole towns destroyed or about 

to be.  We are not wise, and not very often

kind.  And much can never be redeemed.

Still, life has some possibility left.  Perhaps this

is its way of fighting back, that sometimes

something happens better than all the riches

or power in the world.  It could be anything,

but very likely you notice it in the instant 

when love begins.  Anyway, that's often the

case.  Anyway, whatever it is, don't be afraid

of its plenty.  Joy is not made to be a crumb.

Mary Oliver

Thanks for reading.