Dear Reader:

Meet Mr. Beary Nice.   He came home with my son from kindergarten and will be having adventures with us this weekend which we will record in his journal.   We are the first family in the kindergarten to have this little guy visit.  What an honor!   

I am, truth be told, sitting on the couch in my pajamas cuddling with this guy.  Because, sometimes, you have a week of emotional ups and downs that require the comforting embrace of a stuffed bear.  We made it through the kindergarten transition.   It's not that I wasn't ready for all of this to happen.  It's not that I don't anticipate greater, more significant transitions later in the life of my children.  But, I carried around some anxiety this week that did not dissipate until this evening.   It was heightened by the fact that my little girl had a urinary tract infection at the beginning of the week which took longer to disappear than I liked.   And, by the fact that my children were separated for most of every day - this being the first time in their short lives that such a separation happened.    I had no doubt that they would both love kindergarten and that they would both transition fairly easily.   And they did.   But, this was a week during which I felt a bit of sadness at not having someone (another adult) at home to comfort me as my children went through this rite of passage.   Someone to share this experience with...   Ah, well.   I do feel a sense of pride that I have managed to successfully steer our family through the first 5 1/2 years of my kids' life.   And, I have had moments this week when I am very aware of the enormity of that decision I made 7 years ago to start trying to create a family on my own.   There were just some moments this week when I wanted to hear someone tell me that I am doing a good job.   And, that I was beautiful.  And, that I was awesome.   And, that I was loved.   It sometimes gets a bit lonely steering this ship.    But, I managed to appreciate some moments of calm waters, including a lovely walk/run on the trail this morning when the leaves and grass were a vivid green and the birds were singing their hearts out.   And, it made me realize that I need to tell my friends and important people in my life, more often, how beautiful they are.  And, how awesome.  And, how loved.   So, I am going to make an effort to do that this week.   

My aunt came through town a couple of weeks ago and we had dinner together (along with the kids).  I haven't seen her in about 3 years or so, and it was a nice visit.  As we were saying our goodbyes outside the restaurant, she hugged me and said - "You need someone to tell you how beautiful you are.   Everyone does.  But, you really deserve it."   I don't know why she would say that at that particular time, but maybe she sensed that I needed it.   Anyway, that's what I've been trying to tell myself this week.   I've exercised.   I've eaten mindfully.   I have experienced stress and not succumbed to numbing it with food.   I haven't been perfect, but my imperfections are part of what makes me human.  I've been grateful and optimistic at times this week and fully present in some moments.  I've cried a few times this week.  I've done my best.  

I start Weight Watchers again on Sunday.   I will also start sending in my daily reports to my "sponsors" on Monday.   I will likely have wittier and more interesting posts next week.  Right now, I'm just going to hug this bear and get ready for a good night's sleep.

Thanks for reading.