Dear Reader:

I feel like I could totally pull this off.   Perfect end of the semester look:

So, yeah, Mad Men last night.   The next to next to last episode.   So weird and wild.   I kind of loved it, even though I have no idea what was going on half the time.   I especially love this particular scene at the end (we all know that I love Peggy.  Also, I am Peggy.  No, really.   A completely amazing mix of confidence and insecurity, idealism and realism, big heart/optimism and total cynicism/despair.  Totally awkward. Me and Peggy.).   I adored the scene where she's roller skating through the abandoned SC&P offices while Roger Sterling plays the Hammond organ.   That was just perfect.   And, the octopus porn?  Bizarre and symbolic in all of the most amazing ways (don't ask, just watch it - but only if you've watched the whole series).   One of the things that I really love about this show is that it doesn't give in to the need to present characters as moving toward resolution or character improvement.   Like in life, sometimes awful people do lovely things.   Sometimes, lovely people do shameful things.   Up and down.  

This semester of teaching has drained me a bit.   I haven't felt entirely effective at my job.   Lots of piano students not practicing enough.  Classroom students who are uninterested in the subject at hand.  Sigh.  Luckily, I know from experience that everything is cyclical and next semester is a chance for a fresh start.   I also know that, as a teacher, I cannot reach every student.   It's just not statistically possible.   I also know that I am a less effective teacher when I am tired and/or emotionally spent.  And, I am so overwhelmed by trying to keep up with two kids in public school and dance and soccer, etc., that I feel always like I am just hanging on.   Some of my poor pre-college students and their parents even felt the force of my sarcasm and exhaustion this last week or so.   I usually try to shield my 7-12 year olds from the eye-rolling and questions about how they expect to get better without actually getting to the piano more than 3 days a week.   I clearly need a vacation from teaching, and I am going to get it.   June, July and half of August.  No lessons.  No classes.  NOTHING.  For the first summer in 12 years.   Also, I have decided to make my kids' dance recital this next week their last one for a while.  No more 30 min. drives to practice/rehearsals.   And, soccer is ending this week (for a while).   And, I've decided to not force my children to do the piano recital this month since we've only been working together for about 6 weeks at the piano.   Take the pressure off of all of us.   Sigh.   So, instead of all of that stuff, I spent a ridiculous few minutes trying to recreate the badass Peggy look.   Here you go, dear reader.  You can thank me later....

I feel like the fact that I took the time to do this means that I'm either a total dork or the kind of person with whom everyone wants to hang out.   Ha.   You don't need to let me know which one, dear reader.   After all, I'm 43 years old (almost 44) and I just put a plastic kid's straw in my mouth, pretending it was a cigarette.   I think the writing's on the wall here.   :)

Anyhow, I am going to spend this summer trying to find things to fill me up again.   No more self-improvement.   I am going to try and cultivate discipline and mindfulness and presence.   I'm going to try and think and act more directly and not talk and think in circles.   I'm going to try and let things go...  "Let go of what doesn't serve you."   I saw that quote recently.   Boy, is it hard work to let go of things that don't serve you.   It might be the hardest thing in the world, really.  

I also feel like I'm going to spend some time this summer allowing myself to be more like the "badass" Peggy.   What have I got to lose?    I think I might even develop some sort of "Be the Badass that You Know You Are" meditation exercises.   Ha.   I could probably market this.   New career?    I love it.  

I got a good start on the "fill-up" this morning with my 6 mile walk on the Creeper Trail.   It is crazy, beautiful where I live, dear reader.   Crazy, beautiful.   Here are a few glimpses:

And, here's an amazing Andrew Wyeth painting to make you feel the summer breeze:

Let's all be total badasses this week, dear reader!

And, thanks for reading. :)