Oh, it is such a magical night out there. I wasn't expecting fireflies/lightning bugs so soon! But, there they are - little jewels floating around, communicating with the stars on this clear night. I am not too old to be utterly enchanted by fireflies on a warm breezy night in May. No, indeed. Not too old. In fact, I bought this pendant a couple of months ago:
Sometimes, the world shows itself to me to be so magical (on a night like tonight, for instance) that I feel all of my cares and the things pressing on my heart just float away. I needed that tonight. I needed to feel as though the world was a beautiful place and I was part of it - a collaborator in that beauty.
You know that I love science and poetry, dear reader. Well, when science and poetry intersect, I find it the most amazing thing. Those fireflies are science and poetry collaborating, I think. And, I am now so excited about reading a book about moss for the same reason, thanks to this review:
"Its life (the Goblin's Gold moss) and ours exist only because of a myriad of synchronicities that bring us to this particular place at this particular moment. In return for such a gift, the only sane response is to glitter in reply."
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This transition time out of a full-stop, head-on, crazy-making busy semester has always been difficult for me. And, I think that my newly regained time to think has allowed some matters to press in on my heart again. Matters that I have been trying to let go and from which I want (with all of my mind and heart) to move on... But, these matters are not ready to let go of me. Apparently, there are still some things that they need to teach me. Damn it. :) Ah, the ruminating brain and injured heart. Such a bad combination. Ha. Well, welcome to the human race. At least, thank god, there are still fireflies. And, children who forgive me for not being the best mother when I am tired and melancholy. And, for the knock-down-drag-out love that I have for them. And, for friends that love to talk with me about the art and symbolism and humanity of the finale of Mad Men, among other important things. And, for new young prospective college piano students who are intellectually curious and love piano. And, for good long cries. And, for forgiveness, forgiveness, forgiveness. And, to make an awkward transition into the world of shallow vanity, for fantastically gratifying new hair cuts:
It's kind of a grainy picture, but I need to tell you, dear reader, that I LOVE MY HAIR. No, really. LOVE IT. I have been growing it out, as you know, but I got it trimmed and layered and shaped and highlighted today and WOW. This is the hair that I am meant to have. It's not perfect or tidy, but it feels completely like me. I. LOVE. IT. You have to understand how big a thing it is for me to say this. This haircut makes me feel beautiful. Amazing. And, I love it with the headbands and without the headbands. Love it.
And, other things that make me feel good (see how I am working to lift myself out of the melancholy, friends?) are the fact that I pretty much stayed the course during the Monday morning Power Vinyasa Yoga class, followed by a 4 mile hike on the trail. My muscles are talking to me today, but they are pretty much giving me a standing ovation. Since I "rested" the muscles today, I think I'm ready to head to the gym for the elliptical and the weight room tomorrow.
I grilled some chicken tonight and have decided that I just need to cook outside all of the time. I'm going to become a grill master and fulfill my destiny as a 1950's Dad. Ha.
And, because I just can't stop thinking about Mad Men, let me say a word of thanks to Matthew Weiner for creating a finale that did not require me to send him 365 angry letters (see earlier post). Mad Men is such an amazingly constructed piece of television art. The visual elements, the symbolism, the themes of identity construction through manipulation and presentation, the lack of tidy resolution for characters. That finale was just right. Bravo. And, my girl, Peggy finally risked herself and her heart for the right kind of person, but did it in such a way that it highlighted how far she's come. That, in conjunction with her power strut into the new ad agency offices in the penultimate episode just does my heart good. And, Don Draper. Wow. His complicated psyche remained fittingly complicated at the end. Perfect ending. Perfect. I have thoroughly enjoyed pondering and having FaceBook conversations about this with my smart friends. Nothing better.
Anyway, there's some piano practice in my near future. And, a margarita for lunch tomorrow. Life is good, even though I have to remind myself of that sometimes. For all of you brokenhearted and despairing people, go out and watch the fireflies tonight. We are part of something really, really remarkable. And, if you can't see or feel that tonight, just keep trying. Keep trying.
Thanks for reading!
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