Dear Reader:

I made it to the last day of class.   There is a lot of work for me yet to do, but none of it requires me engaging with anyone else for a while.   OK, that's a lie.   I do still have 4 or 5 things that will require me to engage with others for a while.   But, the hamster wheel that I've been on all semester is slowing down.   Kids are having their last lessons before the recital.   Students are turning in papers and getting ready for finals.   The stress is slowly dissipating.    I had been running on empty for about 3 months there.   Serious damage was being done to my metaphorical engine.  But, I've had a few moments, here and there, to put a little gas in the tank.  I definitely don't have a full tank, but I'm in no danger of being stranded on the side of the road at this point.  I think.  

OK, enough of that analogy.   Suffice it to say that I'm feeling better.   I am enjoying NOT doing all of the Christmas things.   I am selecting a few.   I will be here for Christmas with my two kiddos.   Just the three of us.   Quiet (or as quiet as a house with two seven-year-olds on Christmas can be).   I will use my great-grandmother's china and fix us a nice Christmas dinner.   The kids have agreed to get 4-5 presents each - some of which are planned and some which are surprises (No more Santa in our house. That cat's out of the bag, but we still are managing to find plenty of magic in the season).   On New Year's Eve we'll pile into the car and travel up the road to see Grandma, Uncles, Aunts, and Cousins.  

So, I am still doing my 30 days of Loving Kindness Challenge.   Today's mantra:

"I am gentle and patient with myself."

That's true.  I have been.   And, I have some plans for some serious self-care in the coming week or two.   Restorative yoga next Monday evening.   Two days off and out and about with two different friends on Tuesday and Thursday of this week.   Thai food.  Good conversations.  Exploring a place that I've never been!  A tiny bit more Christmas shopping (I'm almost done, amazingly).  

I have two recipes from the 100 Days of Real Food cookbook that I'm going to try in the coming weeks:   Weeknight Beef Bourguignon and Easy Walnut-Encrusted Salmon.   I like any recipe that starts with the word "easy"!    On the cleaning/decluttering front, I postponed my monthly cleaning to start to declutter from the tornado of post-beach trip craziness.   I hope to take some things to Goodwill next week and use this holiday to gently start getting my home environment more peaceful and conducive to good mental health again....    I really think this is key.  

I got my hair cut today and I really, really like it.   Violet/red (kind of dark fuchsia) highlights and just enough curl, but not too long and bothersome.   It perked me up, as you can see by this picture:

I like the way I look here, and how happy I seem.   That's good stuff.   I'm going on a walk around campus with a friend tomorrow.  Also, good stuff.   Good choices.  One day at a time.  Being kind to myself.   In the past, I really did think that being kind to yourself was selfish and self-indulgent, but I'm realizing now that it has nothing to do with those things.   In fact, the nicer I am to myself, the nicer I tend to be towards others.   Weird.  :)

There is so much strife in the world.   Syrian refugees.   Gun violence.  Terrorism.  Children not getting enough to eat in my own county in VA.   Racism.  Sexism.  A national election that sometimes looks like bad parody of a sitcom.   Depression.  Anxiety.  Isolation.  Alienation.   People who feel that they are not enough.   People trying to impress each other and themselves.   People pretending.   People feeling contempt for each other.    

There is nothing that I can actively do about any of that without starting with showing myself some gentleness and patience and forgiveness.   And, showing the people around me (my kids, my friends, my colleagues, the people I see and don't know well in my daily life) that same kind of gentleness, patience, and forgiveness.  

So, some gratitude today:

• I am grateful to my hairdresser for making me feel like a million bucks. 
• I am grateful that my daughter went to the piano as soon as she woke up so that she could play her recital piece because, in her words, "this is getting fun!"
• I am grateful that I was able to download a copy of Billy Joel's "And So it Goes" in a few minutes and play it right then and there.
• I am grateful for the insightful comments from Theory students about sonata form.
• I am grateful for 30 min. to walk up and down Main Street in Abingdon and the beauty of the Christmas lights that I saw.  
• I am grateful for sweet hugs from my sweet boy.
• I am grateful for that nice series of chords in Celtic Noel at choir practice tonight.   
• I am grateful for memories of my teacher and her bedrock of support when I opened that Haydn score in Theory and saw her marks on the page.   
• I am grateful for a friend who invariably tells me something specific about how wonderful I am every day.    
• I am grateful for a feeling of peace that I've had most of the day.

I hope there are many things that you are grateful for as well, my dear reader.   Take some time to be still this season.  

Thanks for reading!