Dear Reader:

There is nothing much better than anticipating a long weekend of behaving like a hermit.  Cozy and warm, ensconced in blankets while this 2016 version of Snowmageddon rages on outside my little house.   Spending two days trying to be an adequate parent while my kids were hanging out while I taught classes and lessons was arduous.   I'm happy to have a work snow day while the kids have a school snow day tomorrow.   'Tis a happy happenstance.  

There are two things that I think I have been getting better at in recent days, related to coping with stress:

1) I ask myself several times a day, often when faced with burgeoning stress - "What would make me feel really good right now?"   I try to really reflect on the answer to that question.   I am not flippant.   It's usually not a pop-tart.  I mean, you know, sometimes it is a pop-tart, but mostly, no...   I guess what I really mean is "What would satisfy my mind and body and spirit right now?"    And, there usually is something that will bring the desired result other than a bag full of chips.   It's usually something small but soothing.    It's usually something that makes me feel like I am treating myself well.   Treating myself the way I deserve to be treated.   And, it is (importantly) not usually something that I think I "should" do because that's what smart or fit or happy or calm people do.   I really try to get past that and dig deep into what I really want.   I have to clear away a lot of assumptions and a lot of baggage related to my history.  

2) I am learning to focus on the small things all the time.   ALL THE TIME.  

Does my job fulfill me?   Am I reaching my creative potential in work and relationships?   Do I have enough time?   Am I a good enough parent?   Will the kids be happy when they grow up?   Is there something holding me back from relationships?   Will I find a life partner?   Do I want to find a life partner?   Am I doing enough for others?   Am I financially on the right path?

All of those questions above are totally and completely a waste of time for me.   I'm not kidding.   I am finding that when I dwell on those questions, I waste a lot of time not noticing the incredibly vibrant, wonderful, lovely, amazing things that happen and/or just are in my life right now.   I'm clear on the things I value (remember my earlier posts:  kindness, empathy, curiosity, joy, love).   Those are my solid center.   Everything else is a series of moments radiating out from that center.   A string of meaningful moments.  Moments that really do create the meaning in my life.   I had one such moment today while watching my son eat a bowl full of olives (black and green).   He loves them so much.  The only other person I've seen thoroughly enjoy a bowl of olives was my dad.   And, so, today - in my heart - a little line of heart connection was drawn between my son and my father who have never met each other.  But, it made me smile and tear up a little...

So, I don't mean to say that I'm not still a person who keeps lists and has goals and, darn it, really loves writing things down in a planner.   I still try to budget and work towards results.   But, those are just tools that make me feel good.   Just tools.   The mindfulness and the awareness are the real work.

The long and short of it is that I am finding this "Smaller Size, Bigger Life" program very intriguing and, for now, very helpful in sorting out some of the issues that have kept me from taking care of myself in the ways that I should.  I am hopeful that I have started a process which will heal my relationship with food and with my body.   I have been swimming again.  Still loving it.   I have, I think, begun to let go of some unhealthy emotional ties that I was holding onto in hopes that they would, someday, become healthy.   If they are not healthy now, they are not healthy now.   Let them go.   Let tomorrow figure itself out.   It's really none of my business what tomorrow will bring.  I just have to choose the healthy and mindful and joyful stuff now.  That's my only job.  

Ha.  Now, because I am a bit sleepy and ready to enjoy my cozy little burrow for a few days without any duties beyond those of my little family unit, I shall end with a few totally unrelated, yet lovely inspirational memes.  You are most welcome.   (Yes, I will always love Jane Austen...)

Thanks for reading!