Dear Reader:

Things I am grateful for today:

1)  Performing one of my final official duties for the academic year which means that my requirement to look professional is now reduced to about 7% of the duration of the summer.   I still have a lot of work to do.  It's just that I can do it in sweat pants, if I want to...

2) Complimentary giant cups of ice water at Dunkin' Donuts.  Seriously.   I got an "old-fashioned" cake doughnut (why are these "old-fashioned?") and asked for an ice water.  GIGANTIC.  Love it.  Hydration station.

3)  I still love my new glasses.  I see better and they feel more like me, style wise, than my last pair of glasses.

4)  I spent an enjoyable hour this evening teach my daughter to play badminton.   I really like badminton.   I am perplexed by the word itself and how you don't pronounce it the way it looks, but the satisfying thwack of the birdie?   I like that.   Also, spending fun time with my Lulu?  Priceless.

5)  My sweet sleepy boy at bedtime.

Tomorrow,  we are going to have a family meeting and we are going to plan our days for the next two weeks before the kids spend some time at summer day camps and I spend some time at work.   We have already made a rule that the three of us can only spend 2 hours during the day with screens/devices.   We also have a minimum of 2 hours of reading.   We are going to try at least 2 hours of outdoor time.   Maybe one hour of board games.  Piano practice for all three of us in there somewhere.  I have two projects which must be done in these two weeks (final report for a grant and a professional development plan for the year) so, the after-bedtime hours are figured out for me.  I am also going to try and fit in a half hour of meditation before the kids wake up.  

Yesterday, I went to a cookout and met some new people (associated with the regional hospital).  Had a great mile hike through the woods on their property.  Beautiful.   I am going to boot up the Fitbit tonight and get going with steps again.  I just want to move every day.  In June, I am going to start journaling and tracking food.

I have had some really negative thoughts about my body shape and my struggle with obesity/food again lately.   Just feeling dissatisfaction and fatalism and lots and lots of negative comparison.   But, I am noticing these thoughts and trying to replace them with more positive thoughts about my good qualities.   I have this habit, now, of placing my hands over my heart and talking to myself like I am a dear friend and expressing tenderness to the part of me that is feeling unlovable and fat and lazy.   I tell myself that I am a caring, beautiful soul and that I am a person of emotional and intellectual depth.   This is all true, dear reader.   No one should talk to me the way I have been talking to myself.  So, I just have to refute it.  Again and again.   Notice what I am feeling, accept it, and change the words in my head.   I will persist.

More later, dear reader.  I am still trying to figure out how much goal making I should pursue and how much mindful attention to the present rather than future goals should drive my actions.   I am wrestling with these two forces and need to think about balancing their place in my life a bit more.

Thanks for reading!