Dear Reader:
I have been thinking a lot about how and why writing on this blog has been therapeutic for me. One of the things that really startles me is how soon I forget things that resonate and become meaningful for me. I don't really forget them, of course. They are still there in the recesses of my subconscious. But, when I go back and read my words from, say, a year ago, it is almost like I'm reading someone else's words. Someone with whom I have a lot in common. Someone with whom I sometimes agree and sometimes disagree. This is fascinating to me, dear reader. Fascinating. And, it reinforces for me that, although conventional wisdom and some scientific studies indicate that the possibility of significant personality change is slim to none, that doesn't mean that we don't reinvent ourselves and that we and others aren't capable of change. Here's the bottom line for me on this: People can change, but they have to do it for themselves by creating their own mental life narratives and creating their own senses of self, figuratively speaking. This is simultaneously dangerous and full of wonderful potential. Because, you know, how I assemble the bits and pieces of my days into the story of myself can be affected by all. the. things. Both positive and negative.
Here's a lovely article that I found which really encapsulates what I think are the reasons why I keep blogging (even though I don't have a huge readership and don't really seek more popularity):
http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2015/01/19/writing-your-way-to-happiness/?_r=1
"Writing forces people to reconstrue what is troubling them and find new meaning in it." MONEY QUOTE. At least for me. And, here's another winner: "When you get to that confrontation of truth with what matters to you, it creates the greatest opportunity for change." Right on. If that is not true, then I am just going believe in it like Santa Claus anyway. A confrontation with truth creates the greatest opportunity for change? Hell, yes. AMEN. I am dedicated to the idea of growth in my life. Dedicated. And growth does not happen without change, failure, struggle, examination, confrontation, and persistence. Seriously. Sometimes, I would like to cash in my dedication to growth for a resort on a beach in Aruba with unlimited funds and no responsibilities, but that (I grudgingly admit) would become tedious after a little while (maybe I could last a month, though? Anyone with me?).
So, one of the things that I hope is written in my eulogy after I finish the good fight/race/whatever metaphor seems appropriate, is that I met the challenges of my life head on. I won't say unflinchingly. Because if you don't flinch sometimes, dear reader, you are C-R-A-Z-Y. This s#%t is real. So, I want to be known as someone who is "fierce with reality," you know what I mean? This doesn't mean that I don't want to imagine a better life. I want to be able to hold the tension between being present with what is happening and being able to spin my story out into an imagined future without losing hold of either strand. This is not easy. But, that is what I want. And, sometimes, I think it is good to write down what you want. I won't belabor the fact that I want a chocolate chip cookie right now. Talk about fierce with reality. That reality is fierce. :)
To bring this back from the abstract to the mundane, I do want to announce that I have started the Couch to 5K process. With the hopes that I'll participate in a 5K in May of this year. By "participate," I mean start and finish by any means possible. :) I've got an app to chart my progress. I've got new workout clothes. It's three days a week for a half hour - combination of walking/running. Doable.
So, these are totally the most form fitting workout pants that I've ever worn. They are, however, super comfortable and warm. I am, however, totally self-conscious about how my body looks in them, but my fellow parents at the bus stop and the grocery store check-out clerks did not look away in horror and even mentioned (in both cases!) that I looked super cute. Someone did say super cute, y'all. OK, it was my friend. But still.
Now, this is my new workout shirt. I love this feature which keeps the hands somewhat warm. For some odd reason, I am completely infatuated it. I want to play all of my concerts in this.
And, in all of my moaning about winter, let me give Mother Nature her due. Lately, she has been spectacularly kind and gentle. It's January, folks, and it was so pleasant. Of course, I expect that we will pay for this. But maybe not?
So, I know that I said that I wasn't going to make any more goals other than my three original ones (WW, sleep, declutter), but well - "A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of small minds." - Emerson - and, well, "I contain multitudes." - Whitman. Give me a break. Also, I can justify this because I gave up on WW. OK, I also started the mindfulness food journal to replace that. Whatever. It's just like that time I decided to date 10 different guys in 10 different weeks my junior year in college. I'm full of hare-brained ideas. Pretty much all the time.
Speaking of.... I've been a little obsessive on the smoothie front:
Also, I am contemplating buying the following item: A vegetable spiralizer.
Ta-Da!
Those are zoodles. Zucchini noodles. For use in the following yummy dishes:
Sometimes, I get fixated on things that I think will change my life. Most recently, it was a coat rack for my front hall which, for the record, did change my life. Now, it's this. $34. I think it might be worth it to turn a banal, tedious vegetable into a gorgeous spiral of awesomeness that lowers your carb intake. Whee!
I will leave you with an inspiring article about yoga's impact on one woman's weight loss and health. This is an awesome story.
Thanks for reading!
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