Dear Reader:

It's the last day of March.   Please, in the name of all that is holy, let us have had the last snow of the winter.   Today was BEAUTIFUL.   I feel invigorated.   Although...I'm also really, really tired as my children are having some seriously difficult sleep/staying in bed issues these days and usually end up in my bed in the middle of the night, basically ensuring that I will get only minimal amounts of sleep.  We are working on it.   But, there are some stubborn personalities in my house.   OK, OK.  I'm one of those personalities.  

In any case, as promised I have amassed some new gadgets to assist me in my newly revitalized goals for April 2014.    Herewith, I present the fitbit:

Also, the food scale:

And, here are today's details:

Weight Loss:  Stuck at 30 lbs.
Total calories consumed today:  1683
Total calories burned today:  228 (30 minutes on the treadmill)

Breakfast:

Lunch (yeah, I know.  I know.  Not the best/healthiest):

Appetizer (fried pickles - I ate three):

Dinner (before and after):

Of course, I need some time (THIS WEEK!?!?!?) to figure it all out.  I know.  It's not rocket science.  It won't take long.   But, this lack of sleep thing, this work thing, and the 5000 hours (in fact, I'm coming back to this blog post at 11:39pm after a total Mexican standoff about taking a stuffed animal because someone would not stop talking to his sister and go to sleep) it is taking me to deal with my kids at bedtime is really cutting into my hours of the day where I can plan, grocery shop, plan, breathe - did I mention plan?   Ah, I just need to remember that my life is full.   Not half full.   Totally, overflowing, spilling over, abundantly rich.   And, I can keep my eye on the middle of May when life becomes sooooo much less hectic.   And, some glorious weekend in May (as yet unplanned - but soon to be) where I will luxuriate in the solitude of a hotel room in Asheville, NC and the delights of bookstores and hikes in the spring weather by my very own self without my lovely children.    And, some lovely adventures this summer teaching one course and visiting (with my lovely children) my brother in DC and friends in Chattanooga and Charlotte.   And swim lessons for the kids and, yes, tap dancing lessons for me (it's totally happening, dear reader!!!  sooooo excited).    And, luxuriating in all the Vitamin D that I can possibly handle - (with proper use of sunscreen, of course! :)).

My dear friend posted on her blog today about her feelings of anxiety about her weight after losing 44 lbs.  She mentions "the feeling that the weight on the scale defines me, and the weight is always too high"    She says that "I am becoming hypercritical about everything about my body, in a way that I wasn't eight months ago (because eight months ago, I'd become invisible even to myself.)"   Whew.   That last bit hits me where it hurts.   "I'd become invisible even to myself."   As I've felt sort of fatalistic about this recent plateau and slid back into some not-so-great habits of stress eating - not as bad as before, but still not showing myself enough honor and respect - I have had this feeling, almost palpable, of becoming almost invisible to myself again.   So, I'm feeling prepared and unprepared (paradoxically) to fight this right now.   I don't want to be invisible to myself.   I can't let that happen.   It's the same thing that happens to me when I get so caught up in someone else's grief or trouble (EMPATHY) that I can't extricate myself/my own feelings from them/their feelings.   Obviously, I want my children to know that they need to take care of themselves first before they take care of other people, so I've got to model that for them.  But, really, seriously, I need to do this for myself.   I need to be as gentle with my self as I am with others.   Because I do deserve it.   I really do.   (Just trying the whole Sally Fields move here to convince myself :)).  

So, I recommit for the month of April to habits of logging in calories and exercise every day (aided in  quantitative accuracy by my new tools) and treating my physical/emotional/mental health as a clear NUMBER ONE priority.   And, as an added incentive, I'm going to do some small, but lovely thing for myself each week this month that I get through with mostly healthy habits.    If you have any ideas for me, dear reader, let me know.  

In the meantime...

Thanks for reading.