Dear Reader:

I'm BACK!  Did you miss me?   When you are used to blogging every day, it is a bit odd to go without creating one of these posts for a few days.   And, I must admit that I had a tiny, tiny insidious fear that if I didn't write a blog post, I might actually let everything go to hell in a hand basket and gain 10 lbs or try to eat my way through a gigantic chocolate cake.   Or some other such ridiculous cliché.   I am happy to report that no such terrible thing happened.  Apparently, life goes on even pretty much as usual even when I don't record it or write about it.  Shocking, I know.

Anyway, this is a late post because I got off the treadmill at 11pm (yes, that's too late, I know....) having attended the MLK Day Legacy Concert at the college tonight - a gospel choir from a neighboring university.  Not my usual musical cup of tea (still with the clichés?  I must be getting rusty from not writing...) but I have to say that it is always delightful and relaxing for me to see and hear people enjoying themselves making music - no matter what the genre.   I love seeing people get into it.  And there was no shortage of that tonight.   These folks were living in the moment.

And, it rather reminded me about things that I all too often let get in the way of my progress toward a goal or toward a "resolution" (see earlier blog post about my obsessive and unhealthy need for resolution in life...).   I am so focused on the future - on that enviable point when all things will come together for me - where I give the most beautiful recital and have the most satisfying job or relationship and where I do all. of. the. things. right in terms of parenting, performing, being.   And, I forget to see what's right in front of me in the messy, imperfect, crazy, beautiful present.   That sometimes NOT knowing how something is going to turn out is exciting and full of possibility.   Sure, it might take me a gazillion years to reach my ultimate weight goal.    Or, I might get my heart broken tomorrow or next week or next year.   Or, I might have professional disappointments or successes that result in a career change.   I think the thing that I need to remember is that I will be there for ALL OF THAT.  My job is to stick with myself, honor myself, and commit myself to the process - not the product.  I tell that to my students all of the time.  It's really not about the performance.  It's really, really not.  The performance is one small part of the process.   And, what you learn throughout the process is what you have to say and how you want to say it and what future courses of action might allow you to say it more clearly and more authentically.   (I have this end-of-career speech that I've been imagining in my head entitled "Everything I needed to learn I learning through playing the piano" - it's true, dear reader, it's true.  It's just that it continues to take me ages to recognize the things that I've learned in music making and how they apply to life...).    I went through many, many years of wishing and trying to be a certain kind of pianist - someone who had an impressive technique, who  had an iron-clad memory, who was able to excite and enthrall an audience.   I would see other pianists and think - I really wish I was as good as they are.   Then, one beautiful day, it finally clicked.  There was no earthly reason for me to try to be like other pianists.  The only job I had was to find out what kind of pianist I was and clarify and communicate from my own sense of musicianship and artistry and heart and spirit.    I still struggle with keeping my eye on this goal, but I have never since forgotten that this is the goal.  

I think this might be true for me in terms of my body image and my weight, too.   I need to stop trying to or wishing that I looked like Tina Fey or Diane Lane or Juliette Binoche (currently, these are the women that I wish I looked like) and try to be the best Lisa Withers that I can be.   After all, I am living in this body and not in those bodies.   This is what I've got to work with.  And, it allows me to do an awful lot of amazing and wonderful things.   So...

Well, I like the idea of showing you, dear reader, my food choices each day that I blog - even if it is not every day, so here you go:

Total calories consumed:  1628
Total calories burned:  200 (30 minutes on treadmill - have you heard of the band "Daughter"? Total new workout obsession)

Breakfast:

Lunch:  bowl of leftover chili, baked potato with margarine/sour cream, iced tea

Dinner (two helpings of this taco salad):

Snacks:  a handful of peanuts and some Life Cereal with raspberries.

OK, so I saved the most important news for the end of this post:

I reached the 25 pounds lost mark yesterday!!!!   Oh, it has been SLOW going for the last couple of weeks.   That's 10% of my original weight.   And, 1/4 of the way to my big, cosmic goal.   So, I CELEBRATE MYSELF - in true Walt Whitman style.   I know that the journey becomes even more difficult now - weight loss slows down and I, as we have established, am NOT PATIENT.   But, perhaps, patience is not calmly waiting but simply committing yourself to waiting it out.   I may scream about it or complain about it or cry about it, but I intend to keep going and believe that it will be worth it with no evidence in sight.   OK.   

It's good to talk with you again, dear reader.   I'll see you Thursday, I think.   Mondays and Thursdays.  Yes, I think that will be nice.   

Thanks for reading!