Dear Reader:

So, we're back to the regular Wednesday night craziness, although not having a gazillion classes/lessons, etc., to teach today does help things seem a little less crazy, but spending the Wednesday evenings back at the church gig will need a little getting used to (mainly for the kids - they get SOOOO tired).  

I've gotten in the habit now of taking a walk after the church's Wednesday supper and before choir rehearsal while the kids are in the preschool room at church.   So, I went night walking again tonight and, of course, wonderful things happen to those who night walk (take my word for it), so I met a fabulous person that I rarely see and and we noticed (in the night sky) some of those sky lanterns that people have started using to send up in celebration or in remembrance of someone:

OK, so it was only 10-12 of these, but they were gorgeous.  GORGEOUS.  Sigh.   And, then my fabulous friend invited me back to her apartment for a quick visit with other fabulous people.  So, it just goes to show you that you should always take the opportunity to night walk.   :)   Even without the magical sky lanterns, the sky was so clear and the stars were really sharply cut into the black like little diamonds.    It really was beautiful.   I felt very peaceful and happy.   I think I might need to take an astronomy class or something.  Because I love looking at the sky lately.  

Anyway, enough daydreaming about night skies.   Today's stats:

Total calories consumed:   1743
Total calories burned:  350 (on the elliptical/stairmaster hybrid at the gym), plus strength training for about an hour (leg press, hip adduction/abduction machine, chest press, lat pull down, rear delts, fly, seated row, abdominal extension/back extension (doesn't that sound like a torture rack?   It's actually not that bad).  

Breakfast:

Lunch (plus a cup of potato soup):

Dinner (plus two mini-cinnamon rolls from Kroger - 160 calories):

My gym workout was a good one.   I'm really working hard - take my word for it.  But, those mirrors again.  THOSE D?#$% MIRRORS.   I took a couple of pics of myself to look at later, and I'm just not brave enough today to share them.   I was in the strength training room today by myself - a nice thing - and kept telling myself to focus on the changes and not on the flaws.  THE CHANGES, NOT THE FLAWS, LISA.   I wish I could tell you that I was at peace with where I am.   I really want to feel more attractive than I do.   Listen, I know that I'm smart.   I know that I'm compassionate.   I can play piano reasonably well, and on some days, I can really bring it home.   I'm a loving and engaged parent, if not a perfect one.   I'm a good teacher.  I'm emotionally intelligent.  I am a fantastic friend.   I know how to love people well.   I'm self aware.   I'm occasionally really funny.  I'm passionate about life and art.   Do you see what's missing here?   (And, don't say humility - ha.)

Well, I'm still working.   And, I'll keep at it.   And, I will - most likely - forgive myself tonight for having had these feelings and will start over tomorrow.   And, I'm going to continue to look at myself (I actually am being literal here - LOOK) and figure out what unrealistic expectations may be built up in my mind and WHY.    I can do this.  

Thanks for reading.