Dear Reader:

Do you remember how I was going to wait a week before checking the scale?  Ha.  I did it this morning.  Just couldn't help it.   And:

I was down by 2.3 lbs. from the day before.   Which just goes to show you that there are fluctuations every day!   But, I have lost about 5 lbs. in the last 10 days.   Not shabby.   I don't expect or really want such a rapid weight loss to continue after these initial days of change, but I'm hoping for 1 lb. a week on average....

I ate a few more calories that I should have today mainly because I went out to lunch (again) - I'm not going out for a long while now that birthday weekend is over - I hope!   Plus, the birthday cake still lingers on my counter.   I had one more piece (small - not a lot of frosting).   I'm going to throw the cake out tomorrow after giving my kids one more piece...  

Calories consumed:  1975 (my goal on myfitnesspal.com is 1850)
Calories burned:  222 (35 minutes on the treadmill)

I'm hoping to get some arm resistance training in tomorrow.   Need to keep up with that, since I'm trying to fit in an appointment with the physical trainer this week.

So, I've been thinking/reading a lot about body image and shame which is, as we all know, a prevalent problem (particularly among women - but not exclusively, I'm sure) in today's culture.  And, it's obviously something that I'm struggling with...I'll tell you what I find really inspiring, though.   Dancers.   Since my kids have started taking dance (ballet, tap, tumbling),  I've been watching more videos of dancers and I am inspired by how beautifully they use their bodies.   I'm impressed by athletes, of course, but dancers really inspire me right now.  

What joy it must give these dancers to achieve bodies that can move so beautifully in space.   It makes me want to think about my body as a gift and the thing that allows me to love and create and make a difference in the world, rather than a thing that manifests all of my imperfections and flaws. 

I have been reading a lot of Brené Brown lately - on shame and vulnerability - and she has this to say about body image and shame:

"What we think, hate, loathe and wonder about the acceptability of our bodies reaches much further and impacts far more than our appearance. The long reach of body shame can impact who and how we love, work, parent, communicate and build relationships."

She talks about the ways in which we can build shame resilience in ourselves as related to body image:

"The four elements of shame resilience are: 1) acknowledging personal vulnerability, 2) Practicing critical awareness, 3) reaching out to others; and 4) speaking shame. If we are going to confront the shame we feel about our bodies, it is imperative that we explore our vulnerabilities. What is important to us? We must look at each body part and explore our expectations and the sources of these expectations. While it often painful to acknowledge our secret goals and expectations, it is the first step to building shame resilience. We have to know and explicitly identify what’s important and why. I believe there is even power in writing it down."

Also, this is heartening:

"We must also find the courage to share our stories and experiences. We must reach out to others and speak our shame. If we feed shame the secrecy and silence it craves— if we keep the struggles with our bodies buried inside – the shame will fester and grow. We must learn to reach out to one another with empathy and understanding. If, in a diverse sample of women, over 90 percent of the women struggled with body image, it is clear that we are not alone. There is a tremendous amount of freedom that comes with identifying and naming common experiences and fears— this is the foundation of shame resilience."

I've already heard from several of you about my last post - in which I admitted that I don't like the way I look and really have never felt pretty/beautiful.  Hearing from all of you really does help me see these feelings as common and, after some work, manageable.   I think the key for me at this point is practicing critical awareness.  When I have a negative thought about my body, I want to ask myself - what was that about?   Do I have expectations of myself that are realistic?  What are my fears about this perceived flaw?   

Indeed.  To love yourself is a miracle.  And now is all we have.  So, I'm keeping on.   A friend recently reminded me that it takes around 21 days to establish a habit or get used to a lifestyle change.  I'm almost halfway there.

On to the quotidian:

Here are my food pics for today:

Breakfast:

Lunch (I ate 2/3 of the chalupa, 1/2 of the rice and 10 chips):

Dinner:

Thanks for reading!