Dear Reader:

Well, I had a short hiatus yesterday because yesterday was an endless exercise in getting from one responsibility to the next to the next to the next.   I hit the ground running at 7am and didn't actually enter my house at the end of the day until around 9pm with super-tired children to get to bed.   Wednesdays tend to be like this.   So, I just didn't have it in me to log in.   Also, I was all full of stress about not receiving payment for one of my jobs.

So, here's the deal, dear reader.  I ate a piece of cake and a bowl full of "Pirate's Booty" at the end of this long day.  Anyone who doesn't know what "Pirate's Booty" is should check with the under 6 year old crowd.   It's basically Cheetos for middle class, highly educated parents that want to feel better about themselves at the end of the day.   All Natural (whatever that means) puffed cheesy air mostly made for precocious children/parents and sold at Target.   Very tasty.   Leftover from the birthday party.

So, here's how it could have been worse:   I could have eaten poorly all day as I felt my stress mounting.   However, I had my usual egg, toast, strawberries (the strawberries aren't usual, but have I mentioned how much I love strawberries or, really, all types of berries?  Love them, dear reader.  Love them.) for breakfast and a healthy salad and a ridiculously (really quite laughable) small portion of lo mein noodles at the cafeteria.   And, OK, I also had a 1/2 cup of vanilla ice cream with peanuts.   And, dinner, sadly was eaten on my way from faculty meeting (drama! as usual!) to church choir rehearsal - a chicken sandwich.

But, all in all, not terrible.   And, I could have had three pieces of cake and a bag full of Cheetos.  Don't assume that I don't have that in me.   Seriously.    But, I didn't.   And, y'all, I went on my usual Wednesday 2 loops around campus (2.3ish miles) with a friend.   So, yeah.  Could have been worse.

But, also, my weight fluctuated back up 1 lb this morning.  Which probably means nothing, but...

Why am I detailing all of this?  Because there is a little voice in my head that said - late Wednesday night - "You should just give up.  You are never going to get that payment and be able to pay bills or buy anything ever again or, you know, send your kids to college.   And, you will not lose the weight you need to lose.  And, you will lead a bland, colorless existence and gradually fade away into obscurity.  But, hey, you can at least eat a Hostess Twinkie."   Yes.  That voice is a DRAMA QUEEN.     And, a RIDICULOUSLY EVIL super villain.   And, let's face it, so pathetic.  So, GET THEE GONE, voice.  

Luckily, I have another voice in my head that usually speaks up after much deliberation over a matter and says, "Life is short.  And, fantastic in many ways.  Perhaps, you - evil super villain voice - are overreacting?  Let's have a cup of tea and discuss this."  

So, today - also, somewhat annoyingly packed with meeting after meeting after lesson after lesson after advising session after advising session...

Calories consumed:  1298
Calories burned:  280 (45 minutes on treadmill - I increased intensity tonight and am feeling it...) yet the calorie count remains the same?  I am skeptical.   Whatever.

Breakfast:  Toast with peanut butter, coffee with milk
Lunch (eaten over a 2 1/2 hour period while doing other things and continually getting distracted):  Lunchables pepperoni/mozzarella and crackers (240 calories), applesauce, pistachios
Dinner:  frozen burrito (OK, not actually frozen when I ate it.), 15 chips and salsa, 2 tablespoons of guacamole.  

Good day!

I read something recently that a friend wrote about her struggles in dealing with being overweight.  She said that in some strange way being overweight was a "safe place" that kept her from dealing with certain kinds of attention or of dealing with certain kinds of uncomfortable emotions.   That thought intrigues me.   I often, if I am honest with myself, feel like the invisibility that I perceive as a result of my weight issues allows me to avoid emotional exposure in other areas (until recently - although, let's face it, the internet revelation is not the often excruciatingly awkward in-person revelation, and therefore a somewhat safe arena).   But, maybe I'm overthinking?  Me?  Never. (See discussion of "voices" above) :)

I'll try to get back to posting photos of meals tomorrow.  Also, I have an all-day meeting tomorrow with a prepared lunch.   (There will be dessert.   I will not eat it.).  

Thanks for reading!