Dear Reader:

What a gorgeous day!  I don't know if it was the sunshine, the extra endorphins I'm getting from increased exercise, or what, but today everything seemed brilliant, colorful, full of interest to me.  Do you ever have days like this?   Life is going along rather drably and then, suddenly, you have a day where everything blooms.  Well, it's probably just me and my weirdness.   Anyway, today was that day.   In fact, I even felt beautiful today.   And, that's huge.  

One of the books that I loved most when I was young was "Anne of Green Gables" by Lucy Maud Montgomery.   In fact, I adored the whole series.   I felt that I was a "kindred spirit" with Anne and the way in which she felt things so deeply - both positively and negatively.   It was probably a sign that I was likely to go into the arts...  Anyway, there was this passage in the third book of the series that has always stuck with me.   Anne is at college and is going to a formal event and puts on a dress that manages to eclipse everyone else's.   Her friend (who is amazingly beautiful - and a little vain) mentions that, on most days, she can outshine Anne (who has red hair and is not conventionally attractive), but every once in a while, Anne just "blossoms" for some mysterious reason.  And, apparently, it has nothing to do with what she is wearing - it could be on a day where she is wearing a shirtwaist dress (the pre-WWI equivalent of T-shirt and jeans).   She mentions that it has something to do with Anne's personality and confidence just transforming her.  

One of the things that I reflected on today is that on days that I find the world this sparkly, interesting, fascinating place, I find the people in it infinitely interesting.   And, by extension, I find myself infinitely interesting.  And, I cease to laser-focus on my flaws.   This is the opposite to what I feel when I am under the blanket of a mild depression, which I fear I have felt all too often in recent years and months.  It's an odd feeling to feel this alive and awake.   And, I know that it comes with risks, but, wow, I really think I am willing to take on those risks to have this feeling more often.    I have a few friends that manage to make me feel interesting and vibrant and fascinating just through conversation with them - in fact, I was on the phone this evening with one of them who managed to find great interest in some quotidian details of my life (thanks, M.).  What a great gift that is - to make some feel more vibrant and interesting just because of your interest in them.   I hope to cultivate that gift myself, if possible.

So, it's all probably brain chemistry, but I prefer to think of it as magic.

I really believe that to lose the weight that I've been carrying around, both metaphorically and literally, I need to focus on how I view myself.   The calories and the pounds need to be by-products of my attitude toward life and my place in it.  

But, part of that process is to document and see patterns, etc.   So, here's the detail stuff:

Calories consumed:  1558
Calories burned:  214 (35 minutes on treadmill)
Strength training:  squats, lifts (with exercise ball), upright row, kickbacks, bicep curl, TVA crunches

I left my phone in my purse today (an effort to stop checking social media all the time), so I didn't get any pics.  

We'll see what tomorrow brings.   I don't expect to feel every day so intensely, but maybe we're on an upswing?   Winter worries me (the gray skies, the cold, the feelings of bleakness, etc.), but I'm hopeful that what I'm doing now will help me hold on to these feelings even when circumstances are challenging.

Thanks for reading!